The Heart Pact
by The-Lady-Isis
Summary: What is a heart pact, and why has Rikku made one with Auron? More importantly, why can't she tell him about it? Would you give your life to keep a promise? All reviews welcome!
1. Anytime

**DISCLAIMER: This goes for the whole fic – I own NOTHING except Giia, Square owns everything else.**

**Chapter One**

Rikku wasn't happy. She knew she looked happy, and she knew everyone else thought she was happy, but she wasn't. In all fairness, it taken her a while to notice that there was something missing in her life. But then she figured that at fifteen, everyone got restless about their lives, so she'd just have to wait it out. When she joined her cousin's pilgrimage, the achy feeling eased a bit, but didn't go away completely.

She spent her time being her normal ultra-bouncy Rikku-self, cheering everybody up and being more _alive _than anyone they'd ever met before. She joined the party at the Moonflow, and by Guadosalam, she'd gotten everybody figured out: her cousin, who'd forgotten to have a childhood and so wasn't sure how to play properly. The boy that she'd met in Baaj who was the opposite, and now learning to grow up. Wakka; a nice guy who'd gotten too caught up in Yevon to question it. Kimahri…well she was sure Kimahri was nice too, in a kind of never-ever-talking way. But he was a giant blue kitty really. Lulu was so sophisticated, all icy and grown-up and dangerous. Rikku knew icy was one thing she'd never be; she was too much like the desert she came from; hot and fiery. If she got angry, you knew about it. As did the rest of Spira when she was yelling.

She might only be fifteen, but she'd learned that the less people thought of her, the more they'd tell her. Things that of course wouldn't interest a thoughtless child like her. Because that's how they all saw her; and she encouraged them to think that way.

Except him. The one person in the party that she couldn't figure out. But she knew that he saw through the twirls and the childishness to the almost-a-woman underneath. That's why she stayed quiet around him, because there was no point in trying to make him think she was a foolish child. But it seemed to her that the more she tried to find out about this very human-sized man with a legend-sized reputation, the less she knew. His one eye that was utterly unreadable and yet could look deep into her soul, because he couldn't figure out who she was either.

He knew who she wasn't, but listing all the things she wasn't didn't help him get closer to what she was. There were pockets of sincerity in her; her fear of lightning, her courage facing fiends, her deep love for her cousin, her caring for all forms of life; those were all real, he was sure. But other parts weren't.

So because neither of them knew what the other was, they both stayed quiet around each other. Two enigmas trying to see through the mystery of the other. And while they were busy trying to know each other without being known themselves, neither Auron nor Rikku noticed what was really happening. The silence, which had once been so irritating to her, became comfortable. The laugh of happiness at something as simple as a flower, which had once seemed so unnecessary to him, produced a small half-smile, hidden behind his cowl. They knew each other now, and they had no idea of it. So she still called him a big meanie, and he still called her a foolish girl, and they were friends who didn't trust each other.

It was Rikku who worked it out first, and by the time she had, it had already changed into something else. It went unnoticed from the Moonflow to Bikanel. Then she went Home. She went Home to find it burning, to find Yevon destroying everything her family and her people had strived so hard to build, to have another beloved cousin die in her arms, to have fiends and Guado raping everything she held sacred because _she _was the heathen. And that was when she stopped. In a fraction of a second, she changed. The coquettish laughter, the twirling, the child still in her, all got burned away with the fire consuming her Home. She went cold and hard and…dead. Unknowingly, she became a female version of Auron. She beat the crap out of any Guado or fiend unlucky enough to get in her way with sub-zero fury. She told Tidus the truth about what was going to happen to his beloved Yuna with a demonic glee that someone else was feeling just a portion of the anguish she did. It didn't matter to her when he collapsed to his knees, because at least what he loved was still alive, could still be saved. Hers couldn't. What she loved was already being trampled and spat on by people who could not see the fallacy of innocent summoners being sacrificed for them – too stupid to grasp their own reality.

When they were all on her father's airship, and the rockets were let loose to go careering to finally end her Home, it got worse. She went into freefall. She didn't how, when or where she was going to land, but she was certain that it would be a crash. And there was nothing that could stop it. Sooner or later, she'd break, lose her mind and drown in the grief and the rage and the sorrow that was flooding her senses. She almost wanted to laugh when Wakka likened the explosion to 'happy festival fireworks'. To mock him and the fact that his blindness was such that even now he could not see the amount of wrong that had been dealt here. Her crazy anger boiled out instead, and she ran from the bridge before the instinct to kill him took over. She found herself in the engine room, with the fumes that made her dizzy, the constant drip-drip-drip of oil, the hissing clouds of steam that surrounded her. And she broke.

The tears started to come slowly, just rolling down her cheek one at a time. Then they came faster, until she couldn't see through the tears and couldn't breathe through the sobs that were choking her. And the pain didn't go away, it just got worse. She got up, kicking the wall, then punching it until her fists were split and bleeding and the tears were still more of grief and anger than of pain.

Then he came. And her bloodied, mangled hands weren't raining blows on the unfeeling hull of the ship; they were hitting a chest plate. She heard the low rumble of his voice without hearing the words. Then he caught her hands in his, at least twice the size of hers. Somehow it hurt far more hitting flesh than it had hitting the unyielding wall. When the pain came rushing back, so did the world. She understood words again. Her knees gave way, her back against the wall, still numb. He knelt in front of her and took her hands again. "Rikku."

She looked up. "It's gone, Auron," she whispered. "The whole thing."

"I know." His voice was so quiet and so deep she barely heard it above the whine of the engines. He took her hands and pulled out a clean piece of cloth and wiped the blood away with more tenderness than she thought he possessed.

"Just…blew it up…gone…and Yunie wasn't even there…"

He didn't say anything, just pulled out a potion and poured it carefully over the wounds in her hands. She flinched at the stinging pain as the cuts healed. Once they were gone, she woke up slightly. "I think you made a mistake, you know."

He gave her hands back to her, then settled himself next to her. "How so?"

"Letting me be a guardian. I'm crappy."

"No, you're not." He didn't reassure her anymore than that, but he didn't have to, because the sincerity he put into those three words resounded in the air between them.

She looked up and met his gaze. He didn't look away, and in those few seconds she realised she actually had a friend in this man. Without thinking, she put her arms around his chest, pushing her face into his coat. When she spoke, it was with words muffled by emotion and the fabric. "I wish…I was as strong as you are."

His hand was on her back where it had crept unnoticed, but he turned his face away and gave that short, sardonic laugh; because there was nothing strong about him. Inside the cracks were evident. "No, you don't. If you stay strong all the time it's only because you're afraid."

She pulled back slightly and put her head to one side. "What are you afraid of, Auron?"

"The same thing you are. Only I am a poor actor, so must hide behind dark glasses rather than childish mannerisms."

The corner of her mouth tilted upward. "You've just told me the truth. Surely that took courage."

He raised an eyebrow. "You're more than you appear to be, aren't you?"

She smiled then; a true smile. "As are you."

He almost smiled. "Why don't you want people to know who you really are?"

"The less people think of you the more they'll reveal to you. People don't think a fifteen year old will be interested in anything important."

He found that he was amazed by this girl. It didn't seem possible that she was only fifteen. She had an experienced soul in her young body. He wondered how that had happened. "Are you?"

She shrugged. "Sometimes. If it affects the people I care about." When she pulled back, she caught a wave of his scent. Strong, but not at all unpleasant. In fact she could suddenly imagine that it would smell so much better if she were breathing it from his skin rather than just his coat. Smart yes. Also a bouncy bundle of raging hormones. And those hormones, despite what her brain was emphatically denying, were reacting like an internal fireworks display to Auron's closeness. Her breathing increased, she flushed a little, and got a funny feeling somewhere down south. She wasn't sure what to do about it, so got up to go.

As she did so, her lips came to his eyelevel for a second, and he couldn't help noticing the shape of her body through the vest she wore. Then his brain cut in, reminded him sternly that she was underage and that there were twenty years between them. And that he was dead. The flicker of desire vanished, then sprang back to life again when she bent and kissed him on his stubbled cheek quickly with her soft sweet mouth. "Thanks, Auron."

"Anytime."

And as she left, he found he meant it.

**A/N: What do you think then? Please let me know – I accept anonymous reviews too, and it takes all of three seconds to write 'It's good'. So PLEASE, I am BEGGING you, review! **


	2. Tell Me I'm Wrong

**Chapter Two**

Half a year later, once more back on the airship, Rikku was pacing. She always paced when she was thinking. And right now she'd worn a shiny strip on the floor of her room. She'd been thinking a lot. She knew what she should be thinking about. She should be thinking about Yuna. About how they were going to defeat Sin without the Final Aeon. About where the fuck Seymour had disappeared to and when he was going to rear his ugly head again.

But she wasn't. She was thinking about the topic that her thoughts had been centred on for the past six months. She skidded to a stop and rubbed her hands over her face, letting out a growl of frustration. She let her hair down and massaged her scalp lightly. "Argh! Why are you doing this to me, Auron?"

She sighed. That wasn't fair. It wasn't as if she wasn't a willing participant in what happened. Not that anything really _had _happened. Since he'd comforted her at the death of Home, they were friends. They'd sit and talk into the small hours – sometimes about her childhood, sometimes about Braska's Pilgrimage. She felt honoured that he'd confided in her. She didn't think that even Yuna knew some of the things Auron had told Rikku. When it got really late, and she fell asleep – it was always her, Auron never seemed to need it – he covered her with his coat, and she'd wake up feeling like she was wrapped in Auron. Except for the last few weeks, when she'd woken up, and Auron was there too. And waking up in his arms was the single greatest experience of her life. He just smelt so good, like charcoal and spicy sweetness that she just wanted to breathe in for the rest of her days. While she still felt the slow, steady breathing against her body, she couldn't stop herself from simply kissing his lips softly. He looked so much younger when he was asleep, the lines around his eyes smoothed out and his mouth relaxed. She knew it was probably wrong for a million reasons, but she thought she might, despite never having known the emotion before, she thought she might be feeling _it_ now. And she loved it.

But how could she be sure? And even if she _was_, what did he feel about her? A friend? A nuisance? Someone he simply tolerated or pitied? Added to which, there was still the problem of what was going to happen afterwards. They never talked about it, and she wasn't even sure, but a dread had been growing in her stomach for a while now. Something cold and hard that filled her with doubt and made her shaky whenever she thought about it. She didn't have any proof, other than the fact that Auron was…different. He hardly seemed to eat, or sleep, but he never got tired. She'd never seen him bleeding, even when a fiend's claws left deep slash marks _through_ his armour. The man was freaking indestructible. Helpful in a battle, but suspicious outside of it. And what if he was an-

_No. Don't even go there. If he was, he would have told you, right? Right. So there's really nothing to worry about. _Except she couldn't stop worrying. Which was what led to her pacing in the first place.

She stopped and took a deep breath, coming to a decision. There were two issues that needed resolving, especially since there was a high likelihood that someone was going to die in the battle tomorrow. And if it was going to be her, she was going to damn well get to the bottom of this. "Ok Rikku, two issues here. 1) Have to tell him how you feel. Or how you think you feel. 2) Get him to tell you that you're being stupid about thinking he might be- About the second issue."

She lifted her chin, squared her shoulders and marched with a determined air to Auron's room. Reaching it, she knocked briskly four times. "Enter."

As the door hissed open, she tried to smile, only to find that she couldn't. She couldn't make her feet walk inside. She couldn't even speak. Big deal for Rikku.

Auron, katana in one hand and sharpening stone in the other, gave his normal half-smile at seeing her. "Rikku." A tiny crease gathered between his eyebrows at her terrified expression. "Are you coming in?"

She nodded mutely and took a tentative step forward, only to jump when the door closed after her.

"What's the matter?" he asked, a little unnerved by her silence. Silence with Rikku was never good.

"I, um, heh…"

An eyebrow was raised in silent question.

Rikku sighed at her own behaviour and just decided to blurt it out. "Ok, I have to ask you something."

The other eyebrow joined the first, and he set the weapon and the stone aside. "What?"

She sat on the edge of the bed next to him, not looking at him for a moment, instead twisting her hands in her lap. Another deep breath. She looked up with those swirling emerald eyes that he kept denying had the ability to suck him into their depths. "I've been thinking a lot lately about…things that have happened recently – or not happened, I guess. And I _really _want you to tell me I'm wrong."

_Oh no. Rikku no, don't say it, don't ask me._

There was fear and desperation in her eyes now, and something that he really hoped wasn't love. "Are you Unsent?" she whispered.

He looked down at his lap. Somehow one of her soft hands had managed to become encased within his. He opened his mouth. And nothing came out. He couldn't tell her. To tell her the truth would make it real, and that would cripple him, and devastate her. And to lie would be worse. So he kept silent, knowing that his silence would say it all anyway.

Her hand was withdrawn after a moment when neither of them could breathe. She didn't say anything either, which somehow made everything worse. He'd done something that was worse than any other kind of betrayal could have been. So bad that not even _Rikku _had words for it. He was dimly aware of her sitting next to him shaking hard enough to move the bed, and all he wanted to do was to take her in his arms and stroke her hair and kiss her face and tell her that everything would be alright. And he couldn't.

Because it wouldn't.

Once Rikku felt like she could stand again, she got up and walked to the door. Her feet were arrested by his voice.

"Rikku, I-"

"No." The word was so small and soft and sad. A broken sound. She was gone as swiftly as the wind.

**A/N: Ok, I got 19 hits last time and ONE review! Come on people! If no-one thinks it's good enough to comment on then I won't bother. PLEASE!**


	3. Envenomed Triumph

**A/N: Thank you to all the people who reviewed last chapter, it cheered me right up. And helped me 'pump it out' quick too! But this is where we say goodbye to Auron, alas. But who knows, the future is never certain until it becomes the past. ...which kinda sounds like something Auron would say, doesn't it? **

**Chapter Three**

Dawn found her sitting on the deck of the airship, curled into a ball with her arms wrapped around her knees. She wasn't sure when they'd started, but the tears hadn't stopped. One after another rolled in boiling tracks down her cheeks. How could he lie to her like that? To everyone? She hadn't moved for hours, and even though she was being battered by the wind and she was freezing from the icy metal deck underneath her, the idea of going inside to four walls was unbearable. She'd lose her mind. When the sun rose and turned the clouds pink, the beauty of the whole thing was shattered, splintered into tiny rainbow fragments through the prism of her tears. She got up and ran to the edge of the deck, fully prepared to throw herself off the ship. Then she got there and found she couldn't even do that. Sighing, she sat down again, dangling her legs into thin air. "Pycdynt," she growled. Then the tears came again.

She didn't hear the door open again, but wasn't surprised when a warm red coat was wrapped around her shoulders and Auron sat next to her. Neither of them said anything for a while. Rikku felt…empty. Like she'd cried herself out. She'd even stopped blinking. "I'm sorry," he said quietly.

She did not reply. "How long?" she asked after a while.

"Ten years."

"Yunalesca?"

"Yes."

Rikku had an urge to go kill the bitch all over again. "And after we…?"

"Yuna will Send me."

Another silence. "I can't believe it took me so long to figure it out. It's so obvious when you think about it."

"Oh?"

"I remember thinking, when we were sitting outside the Farplane, that your excuse for not going in was so pathetic. But you couldn't go in. That's why. And then, what Seymour said just after he proposed to Yunie. Then there's the fact that you never bleed. You hardly sleep. Or eat. And you're fucking invincible."

"I hadn't thought of it that way. You're the only one who worked it out, Rikku."

She tried to smile and preen a little. It didn't really work. "Evidence once again of my clearly superior intellect."

He tried and failed to laugh. "Tidus knows. I told him."

She sighed and put her head on his shoulder. She wasn't angry anymore. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Would you have understood? Most people think Unsent are dangerous."

"That's because of what Yevon tells them. Since when have I listened to Yevon? So why didn't you tell _me_?"

"At first…because I didn't want to face Yuna, and you two are so close… You have no idea how like her father she is. And I couldn't face that look she gets."

"You mean that pitying, compassionate one that you want to run away from? Yeah, I know that one. What happened then?"

"Then…I didn't want to hurt you."

"You didn't want to hurt me? Auron, this hurts more than it would have done if you'd told me."

He didn't know what to say to that. "I'm sorry."

"Don't say that. There's no point."

"Rikku, promise me something."

"No."

He blinked, surprised. "Why not?"

"Because I'm an Al Bhed. Promises are sacred to us. So if I promise, and it's stupid, then I'm bound to honour it anyway. So no promises for you, Mr. Grump."

He gave one of his half-smiles. "I suppose I can't ask you to do anything now." He did not complete the sentence. He did not need to. _Not after what I have done._

His words brought back the silence. Rikku sighed. "If I'd known then maybe I wouldn't-"

"Wouldn't have what, Rikku?"

She met his gaze and shook her head slightly. "Don't you know?" She got up and took his coat off when he couldn't say anything. "I guess you don't." Blinking back a few more tears, she walked slowly away, wondering how you could have your heart broken without ever knowing you'd been in love. Utter despair. That was all she had now.

Suddenly rough, strong hands were grasping her shoulders and turning her around to face him. A finger lifted her chin, and surprisingly soft lips placed a tenderly gentle kiss on her mouth. She didn't move at first, still too stunned, but after a second, she kissed him back. Her slender arms came up around his neck as she pressed her lips a little harder against his, opening her soft mouth a little more, and gods, he tasted just like she knew he was going to – like sweet chilli with a spice that set her tongue tingling when it met his, and the background smokiness that was wholly addictive and _then_ she knew what this feeling wedged into her heart was, _now _she understood. And it was so wonderful, and it blew her mind completely and her soul knew what heaven was. Euphoria joined the taste of Auron on her tongue, mixing and mingling with the bliss coursing through her.

When they broke apart they were both breathing hard. Rikku's eyes opened, eagerly seeking Auron's – but his copper orb was closed tightly as he buried his face in her silken fragrant hair. It did not smell like flowers, it was not even like strawberry, or the faint apple taste that her lush mouth carried and that now occupied his. Her skin and her hair carried gunpowder and hot metal and something that was completely _Rikku_. He wanted to engrain everything about this moment into his memory so it could be borne into eternity with him – the contrast her soft skin made against his rough hands, the soft, tiny sigh of happiness she gave, the shape of her body pressed to his so trustingly, like he could shelter it from anything. And he could be Sent now, and he'd fade happy.

But when he did pull back, as he knew he must, and when he did meet and was drowning in her eyes, the beautiful wholeness vanished, dazzled into obscurity by the garish glare of reality. They both had the same thought in one heart-shattering moment. _This cannot be. _So Rikku did what Auron could not bring himself to, and took a single step back. It broke him more thoroughly than Yunalesca had. For the first time in thirty years…he found himself running scared. But this was the Legendary Guardian, and he had no weaknesses. Except apparently Rikku had found an invisible chink in his otherwise impregnable armour. And she had driven her sword to his core. So the impulse to bolt simply became a turn away from her. He may as well have been on his knees before her, so complete was her victory.

Yet it was a victory in which both sides lost everything. And Rikku wanted to throw up from the bitter, vile taste it left in her mouth.

She did run.

And she didn't stop running. She ran every time he met her eyes, she ran when she slept at night, she ran when she stood her ground and fought against fiends, against Seymour, against Braska's Final Aeon, against Yu Yevon.

Then…there were no more places for her to run to. She hit a solid wall that malevolently slammed into her and broke her, mind, body and spirit.

When she looked back on it…she did not remember the Sending. She did not remember the words that might have been exchanged. A blank coma that she stood enshrouded in was what helped her through the next few days. Trauma, she guessed. Post Traumatic Shock or some such crap. It wasn't until Lulu had asked if _she _was alright – for once the enquiry had been about _her _not Yuna – that Rikku even realised.

"No, actually. I'm really not," she said. Her words were so simple, and her voice so sadly surprised, that Lulu felt a stab of worry for the girl she'd come to think of as her second younger sister. Rikku looked up. "He's gone, isn't he?" Lulu could not answer. "_He_ was real, wasn't he, Lulu?"

Lulu nodded, tears forming in her own eyes as she reached out to stroke Rikku's hair. "Yes, Rikku. He was real."

She nodded as if to say _I knew I was right. _"Nobody dreamed _him _up then took him away." A pause while her envenomed triumph faded and real, absolute, crushing grief smashed her heart open. "He took himself away." Lulu said nothing else, and she didn't need to. Still mumbling that terrible revelation, Rikku got up and stumbled, falling into her bed while the ocean of tears and wracking sobs came to claim her.

**A/N: Don't disappoint me now! Or I could just leave him dead... Think of poor Rikku's sobbing face before you skip over the review button. **


	4. Six Bottles of Sake

**Chapter Four**

He was gone. For about six months it was all she could think. Every heartbeat branded it into her. When she wasn't breathing, it didn't hurt. The problem was she kept breathing. There was nothing that could divert her attention from the fact that she was alone. Every time she was in bed, she heaped blankets and quilts and duvets over herself in order to try and replicate the warmth of his arms, but no matter how hot she got, no matter how much she was sweating, she was always cold. She missed him with every morning, every sunset. For months, years, she couldn't go near Yuna for fear of what she might do or say.

She knew in her heart it wasn't Yuna's fault. That even had Yuna not Sent him, he probably would have walked quite cheerfully into the Farplane himself. But it helped, being able to blame someone; to have some target for all her anger and pain. How could he? How could he promise her everything and simply fade into the sky? It wasn't fair. She was young and clean and beautiful – so why was she tied to someone that had been the opposite of all those things? Except he had been young and strong once. Clean and pure. He had been beautiful, and still traces of it could be found in the ravaged creases of his face, if one looked hard enough.

Rikku had never needed to search to find it; she'd seen it at merest glance. But that was gone. It had winked out of existence with him. And she'd broken. Just as she had on the airship. Only this time there was no-one to come and lift her from the mire of her sorrows. So she chose the opposite. She chose to bury herself in them, to engrave them so deeply into her soul that she could conceal them with her false smiles and her twirling. It was a bitter, ironic expression when she smiled, because if Auron had been there, he would have seen through the charade instantly. But with him gone there was no-one in Spira who could.

She spent some time, a little before her seventeenth birthday, with someone who came close. He was sweet, and understood that sometimes it was exhausting just being Rikku. His name was Gippal. She went out with him for a while; her father was happy that she was with another Al Bhed. She loved him in her own way, but not with the breathless passion that she'd felt for Auron. With Gippal it was…comfortable. She wasn't aware of his every movement, she wasn't utterly dominated by her emotions when she was in the same room as him, and she was not instantly aroused when her fingers brushed him.

Rikku was comforted by Gippal though. It was with a sense of vindictive pleasure that she slept with him. The act itself was…easy. She always wondered why people made such a big deal out of it – it was just sex. It was not making love; she'd never make love to anyone, but it was nice enough. He was an attentive lover, and she got through it thinking: _I hope you're watching, Auron, because this is what you missed. I would have given you everything had you bothered to stick around long enough. _Gippal took the tears she shed as pain at the barrier of her virginity being broken. It did hurt, but her tears were from pain of a different kind.

It took her a few months, but eventually she found herself asking one question all day every day. _Do I feel the same way about Gippal that I did Auron? _

There could only be one answer, and she and Gippal stopped being a steady couple after that. They were still close friends, and sexual partners if they got drunk enough. But Rikku was still looking. That's when the sphere hunting gig came up. She didn't expect to find a way to bring Auron back, but she thought maybe there might be spheres of him dotted all over Spira, just like there had been of Jecht. Maybe, if she could remind herself of the bad things, she wouldn't crave him so restlessly. She found nothing; it was like he'd been wiped from existence all together. The only thing she had were books – dusty old history books that carried his name as the Legendary Guardian Sir Auron. She gave another smile then, because she knew how he'd hated that. _Sir _Auron. But she still ran her fingers over and over and over his name until the ink came off on her fingers.

The only thing she did find was a sphere of what looked like Tidus. His voice, his clothes, almost his face. She hated it. It wasn't of Auron, so how could it be of any use to her? But she took it to Yunie anyway, and she managed to make the next year mean something. Saving Spira yet again gave her a nice feeling; like Auron would have been proud of her. She didn't see him on the Farplane when they went to fight Vegnagun. Except, she wasn't sure, but she thought, when they were walking up the shimmering golden path back to Spira, she saw a familiar silhouette standing amongst the flowers, watching her. But then Gippal tugged her back up to the world, and it faded.

It was the worst day of her life when Tidus came back. She spent the entire day, and the day after that, and the day after that, hoping – _praying _– that the red-coated warrior would make an appearance. But he didn't. All Rikku could think was how unfair it was that she got nothing. She got that with defeating Sin – that was Yuna's thing. But Vegnagun? Rikku had done that just as much as Yuna had. Where was her reward? All she wanted was to know if she still loved him. If the feeling inside was – or had ever been – love. In order to give everyone time to come to Tidus's welcome home party, it was held a week after he got back. Rikku spent most of that week getting pissed. She must have downed at least six bottles of sake, maybe ten, she wasn't really sure. The days passed with hangovers, and the nights getting drunk all over again.

The night of the welcome home party, everyone was in Besaid; Paine, Nooj, Baralai, Gippal. Even Leblanc deigned to show her face. One of her former henchmen – or hench_women_ – was there too, a woman called Giia. Rikku really didn't like her. Now that Leblanc had finally got her 'Noojie-Woojie', she'd mellowed a lot. Giia was going to be trouble; Rikku felt it in her bones. Paine and Yuna agreed with her that Giia wasn't good news, but they were both caught up in their whirlwind romances to worry about it – Paine and Baralai had finally admitted their feelings for each other and were spending as much time sneaking off together as they could. Yuna and Tidus were too absorbed in each other to notice what everyone else thought. So Rikku sat by the fire, getting pissed, not even bothering to play with Vidina. Gippal, probably the only person who could temporarily lift her spirits, was late. So she was well and truly inebriated within an hour.

One, pointless, thought kept running around her head. _Why can't I move on?_

**A/N: There u go, another chappie done. I'm on a roll this week! & just to let u know I LOVE all you people that have reviewed, but you've set the bar now – I'm going to need at least three reviews for inspiration to keep striking I'm sure... **


	5. Dude!

**A/N: See, I told you he wouldn't stay dead for long! You can't keep a good man down ;) And it's a short chapter, I know, but it seemed like a good place to end it and the next one will be longer, I promise.  
**

**Chapter Five**

The air was fresh but still warm on the cliff when the first sparkling pyrefly drifted up to the promontory. It was quickly joined by about a hundred others, all condensing to form a man. But the word 'man' didn't do him justice; this was a legend. Doubly a legend now, as he'd defeated Sin twice; come back from the dead twice. He was tall, standing at just over six feet two when he wasn't slouching against a wall, and broad; almost impossibly strong muscles bound under his skin. Thick hair, mostly dark still despite the silver that was beginning to creep in at the temples, tied back in a ponytail at the nape of his neck. A face that had once been enough to make women weak at the knees, tempered by the steel gaze that made men weak at the knees for an entirely different reason. A face that was now rent in two by the cruel slash of a scar that had stolen his right eye; his other glaring at the world around him from chiselled features in russet fury from behind dark glasses.

For a second, while he was still disorientated and a little confused, he allowed his true self to show; the core that was vulnerable, if only his enemy knew where to hurl the spear. Few did. In fact, there were only six creatures in the whole world who knew he wasn't strong all the time, and of those six, only one who knew his weakness. But he had no idea where he was, let alone them. When his blinking eye cleared from the flare of the Farplane, he found himself.

"Besaid?"

His voice could be differed depending on how he wanted it to sound. A gruff order, a booming shout, a hushed murmur, a fatigued whisper. Always deep. Only once had it been lowered for the tone of love, though the voice had never uttered the words. Brittle as wood snapping in a fire or smooth and rich as melted chocolate. Something else that used to make women go weak at the knees. Still did, in fact.

Another burst of pyreflies formed into the shape of a small boy. It did not stop Auron from relieving the full force of his anger onto the child. "I didn't ask for this," he growled.

"We know," the boy returned simply.

"So send me back," he said bluntly. "I was happy on the Farplane."

"We know."

He sighed. "Then why the hell am I back in Spira?"

"You'll see. Your friends are down in the village. You should go to them."

"And if I refuse?"

"You're alive now. Live among people who want you there or live alone. Your choice." With that, he faded into pyreflies, leaving Auron in his wake.

"Fucking fayth. Tysh ed." The Al Bhed slipped from his tongue; Rikku used it so often on the Pilgrimage that it had become second-nature to all of them. But its use reminded him of her. He looked down at the glowing lights of the village, then sighed. Rikku would be down there. He didn't even know how long it was since he'd been away. It could have been years. A decade. _Though if it has been a decade, at least she will over age this time. _He shook his head to try and dislodge the Rikku-shaped thoughts, then decided to make his way down to the village.

Twenty minutes later, he walked through the gates slowly, each step measured and steady. At first his presence went unnoticed among so many people. Then the first one caught sight of him and fell silent.

Within a minute of him walking through the gates, the entire village was quiet. Then Tidus exploded. "Auron! They brought you back too! Dude!"

Auron found himself enveloped in a crushing hug. If nothing else, it proved that he was indeed alive, because he couldn't breathe. "Apparently."

Yuna bowed repeatedly till he told her to stop. Wakka and Lulu both looked delighted to see him. The baby in Lulu's arms seemed to be rather afraid of him.

Kimahri gave one solemn nod that nevertheless told Auron he was pleased to see him.

When Rikku saw him, she froze. Rikku…

**A/N: You know what to do!**


	6. Meet Giia

**A/N: It's time for the villain! Giia is pronounced 'Jai-ya'. But first let's reunite our lovers, shall we?**

**Chapter Six**

Rikku threw up. Lots. She ran over to the trees at the edge of the tents and hurled. Once she was done, her whole body was shaking, and she wiped her mouth numbly. Then took a deep breath and turned around.

Auron was standing there as if he'd never left; hushed and grave, waiting for her. "Hello, Rikku."

"You're supposed to be dead," she breathed.

"I know," he responded simply. It was all he could say.

"And you're not." Her voice still hadn't risen above a whisper.

"No. The fayth brought me back."

_I waited for you! I waited for you and you didn't come back! How could you not come back?!_ Inside her head she was screaming at him, but the roar of the silence stretched out. Then she moved, and put her hand to his face. She flinched as her fingers met his cheek. Tears filled her eyes. "You're really here."

He nodded once and then pulled her into his arms, feeling her shape tremble against him. He had no idea if she wanted it, or if she still felt the same way, or anything about her anymore. He didn't know if she was still the same Rikku. Tidus and Yuna were behind him, hand in hand and nervously watching her reaction. He couldn't quite bury a twinge of nervousness himself.

She shook her head to try and rid herself of the intoxicating scent that enfolded her. Then she pulled back a little. "I…I waited for you…"

He didn't say anything, just nodded once. She hadn't said she was still waiting for him. She just said she had been.

For her part, Rikku was feeling dizzy; despite throwing up a lot of the alcohol, she was still more than a little drunk, and now with Auron here…she recognised what the darkness eating away at the edge of her vision was just before she fainted. Auron caught her, knowing that no matter how he'd turned up, this would still have been her reaction. He sighed, then lifted her into his arms, feeling her shape against him with mingled longing and remorse. He turned to Tidus. "Where can she rest for the night?"

"This way, Sir Auron," Yuna said, leading him into an empty hut. "She can sleep it off here."

"Alright."

Walking inside, he laid her carefully on the bed. Yuna by this time had made herself scarce – she wasn't sure exactly what was between her eldest and youngest guardians, but she was sure it was something she shouldn't be privy to. Once Auron had slid a blanket over Rikku, he stood and sighed. _What happens now?_ He supposed it didn't matter right now, since Rikku couldn't answer anything while she was unconscious, and he had a feeling that once she did wake up, she wasn't going to be feeling her normal bouncy self. He'd never seen anyone with a hangover be glad about it.

Deciding that it wouldn't do any good if he just sat there, Auron got up and walked back outside into the tropical night.

Tidus grabbed him almost as soon as he did. "Come join the party, old man! Don't get all…"

"All…?" Auron asked dangerously.

"Auron-y. C'mon, there's gotta be something you want to do."

_A drink sounds really good right about now_, he thought. "Not really. I have no idea why I'm here."

The blond frowned. "Well whatever the reason…it's good that you are," he said after a pause. "I mean it, man. You're valued here. Don't think you're not."

Auron didn't really have anything to say to that. He plumped for, "Hm."

"And, hey, if you're stuck here, go mingle. See if there are people in the world you don't hate being around," Tidus joked.

"I don't-"

Yuna's voice called to Tidus, and he disappeared with a cheerful grin. Auron couldn't blame him – he hadn't been the most effusive company on the Farplane. Auron's attitude – in a not entirely unfriendly way – was that he'd dealt with it for ten years and it was Jecht's problem now. Somehow the bond between father and son had been much strengthened once neither of them existed anymore. Auron was fairly certain that Tidus might actually miss Jecht. Not that he'd ever admit to it.

Sighing, he headed toward where all the booze seemed to be coming from. There wasn't any left, and he vaguely recalled Rikku having a bottle of sake while she was sitting by the fire. He wondered why sake was her drink of choice. He wondered why she felt she had to drink in the first place. Was it because of him? Was it all because of him? From not wanting to return to Spira at all half an hour ago, he now began to think that possibly he hadn't been back soon enough. A week? The fayth saw everything. Why on Spira had they waited a week if they knew what was happening to her? What she was going through?

Damn it, now he really did need a drink. He walked to the fire.

"Ooph!"

Auron immediately reached to steady the woman he'd bumped into. "My apologies."

She flashed a pretty smile. She looked to be about twenty five with quite pale skin and shoulder-length dark hair. Attractive, he noted in an uninterested way. "No, I'm sorry, it was my fault. Not looking where I was going."

"Both of us, then."

She nodded, then hesitated a little. "You're Auron, right? You were one of Yuna's Guardians?"

"That's right."

Apparently not at all perturbed at his identity, she held out her hand. "I'm Giia."

He shook it, then decided to take Tidus's advice, especially if he was going to be here permanently. "How do you know Yuna?"

Giia grinned. "I'm, uh, her competition. Or I was, anyway. I don't know how much you know of what Yuna's been doing since the Calm?"

It was quite a tactful way of asking if he had been dead or not, Auron thought. "Not much, I'm afraid."

She nodded and looked over at Yuna, now sitting on her boyfriend's lap, playing tonsil hockey. "Well as she looks too busy to tell you, I could, if you like?"

He nodded. "I am a little behind on Spira's recent history, I admit."

She smiled again. "To be honest, I won't be able to tell you much about exactly what the Gullwings did with Vegnagun-"

"The Gullwings?" he interrupted.

"Oh, the name of the group of sphere hunters that Yuna, Rikku and Paine belonged to."

"Sphere hunters?"

Giia smiled. "I'm coming to that. Since Yevon's collapse, and the truth about Sin came out, people started to wonder what else the church had been hiding. What else about Spira's history that we didn't know."

"Hence Vegnagun I suppose?"

She frowned. "How do you know about Vegnagun?"

"I used to be pretty deep into Yevon," he answered.

"Oh ok. Well there were a lot of groups looking for spheres that showed Spira's history. Turns out the Gullwings and the LeBlanc Syndicate – that's LeBlanc, my boss, she's over there – were in almost direct competition with each other. We found more spheres, or course," she added with a little smirk. It faded wonderfully as she carried on. "But I can't pretend that our methods were…all that pure. I left the Syndicate just before Vegnagun happened. Since then I've been getting on better with Yuna."

Giia was telling the truth – Yuna had invited her here as somewhat of a peace-offering, which Giia naturally privately scorned, and she _had_ left the Syndicate, taking quite a few goons with her. But she'd left because she missed the bad old days, when if someone had something you wanted you simply beat them up or killed them, then took it. LeBlanc used to be like that until she met Nooj, and then it just got boring. Giia had a special reason to hate the Gullwings – especially Rikku. Besides the fact that she was a petty, vindictive woman in herself, it had been her Syndicate uniform that Rikku had stolen in order to infiltrate LeBlanc's mansion. Walking semi-naked through the desert to throw herself on the mercy of Al Bhed scum that she eventually stumbled across had solidified Giia's dislike of Rikku into unadulterated hatred.

Now Rikku was a hero (again), and Giia was still stuck as a nobody. She'd made it her personal vendetta to bring the young Al Bhed down, and had made it her business to know everything about Rikku that she could – what weapon she preferred, how powerful and fast she was in battle, her past history with Yuna's Pilgrimage. But like the rest of Besaid village, Giia had seen Rikku's reaction when she saw the man in red, and she'd wanted to laugh. The girl was in love with him. Totally, completely, eyeballs deep, never-to-be-broken, eternal _love_. But Giia had also seen the uncertainty in Auron's face. He had no idea about what kind of reception to expect or what Rikku thought or felt.

But however much Auron couldn't read Rikku's open features, much to Giia's annoyance she couldn't read him. But it looked as though she'd found the little blonde whore's Achilles' heel. Suddenly the problem of how to use Rikku's relationship with Gippal to bring her down didn't seem so much of a problem. She smirked, taking another assessing look at the man next to her. True, there was the age thing, but he was good-looking enough aside from that ugly scar, and it wouldn't have to be for long. Just as long as it took to break Rikku's heart. Just maybe, if she got her depressed enough, Rikku might even kill herself. Now _that _sounded promising.

Giia gave a little shiver of delight at that idea, and decided upon her plan. She couldn't have known that events would turn out unexpectedly in her favour.

**A/N: What do you think of my OC then? Review and let me know!**


	7. And The Bad Timing Award Goes To

**Chapter Seven**

When Gippal got to Besaid – over an hour and a half after Auron's arrival – he looked for Rikku the first thing he did. He'd been trying to get in touch with her for the past few days, and she'd not answered any of his calls, which meant only one thing – that she was getting very drunk somewhere. Gippal had long ago come to terms with the fact that their constant flirting wasn't going to lead anywhere else, and they'd already had their time as a couple. Rikku's heart had never been in it, and there was no reason to think that it would be any different a second time. Besides, Gippal was a guy – he wasn't going to be complaining about good-friends-with-benefits. He was there for Rikku when she needed someone, Rikku was there for him. Even if they did wind up in bed together, the mornings-after weren't that awkward.

Gippal might have been a consummate flirt, but he cared about his friends, especially when they were in trouble. And Rikku was in more trouble than anyone else he knew.

It wasn't easy to spot at first, and it was really only after they broke up that he was able to spot it. Or rather _hear _it, because it was the slightly raw edge to her voice that first alerted him. The note that wavered on the knife-edge, ready to tumble into hysteria at a moment's notice. It wouldn't take much to make her shatter into a million pieces. When they'd been dating, his favourite part had been the time between slumber and being awake, when she wasn't a hundred percent sure where she was, or who she was with, and her voice was soft and heavy with sleep, and it was _happy._ Contented. Then she did come fully back to consciousness, and that was the worst part. Seeing the part-ecstatic joy and part-wild hope in her eyes die, and then seeing her physically make the choice to be happy that day, like every other day, and hitching the by-now perfectly-tuned fake smile onto her face. In truth, while Gippal would have held out longer before ending the relationship, he too could see its end coming. He tried, he really did. But it had taken him a year to distinguish between her real happiness and her fake happiness, and he wasn't sure he could spend another decade – he was sure it would take at least that long – in an attempt to uncover the reason behind the fake happiness. Whatever it was that had caused her heart to break- he wasn't the one with the cement to stick it back together, and he was too terrified of being the one that caused her mind to follow.

But he swore to the fayth that if he couldn't stop it happening as her lover, he'd at least try as her friend.

Yuna saw him immediately, and clutching Tidus's hand, she ran over to hug him. "Gippal! I'm so glad you could come!"

She drew back and he grinned. "Nice to see you too, superstar."

"This is Tidus," she said, pulling her boyfriend forward. "Tidus, Gippal is the leader of the Machine Faction, I told you about them, right?"

Tidus stuck his hand out. "Good to meet you, man."

Gippal shook it. "Likewise. Rikku used to talk about you all the time."

He blinked. "Really?"

"Yeah, mostly about the pranks the two of you pulled."

Tidus laughed. "Yeah, mainly on Auron."

"Oh!" Yuna exclaimed. "You haven't met Sir Auron, have you, Gippal?"

He frowned. "Um, isn't he dead?"

"Not anymore! Sir Auron!" Her cheery expression faltered when she saw who her former guardian was sitting with, but flickered back when he stood up. "Sir Auron, this is Gippal. He's a good friend and helped a lot with the fight against Vegnagun."

Auron nodded once to the young Al Bhed standing in front of him. "We've met, I think."

Gippal rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, in the desert once. You told me to go change the world."

"Glad you took the advice."

"Hey, I always do as I'm told. Can't say I heard a lot about you since then though."

"Can't say I'm surprised."

Gippal nodded. "Well it's an honour to re-meet you," he said. "If you'll excuse me there's a couple other people I should go say hi to."

He walked toward where Nooj was busy resisting being hand-fed by LeBlanc, hiding his laughter. "Havin' fun, Noojster?" he inquired cheekily. LeBlanc deigned to give him a curt nod, whereas Nooj opted for a wide-eyed smile that could have been a greeting or a silent plea for help. Gippal chuckled and gave wave before walking over to where Paine and Baralai were sitting – rather close, he noticed.

Walking over to them, neither of them looked up from each other. He cleared his throat loudly. Nothing. "Hi." Nothing. "Helloooooo?" Nothing. "Hey, Dr P!"

Paine turned away from Baralai with an expression of annoyance. "_Don't _call me that."

He grinned briefly. "Where's Rikku?"

She pointed to one of the tents. "In there. Sleeping off a gallon or so of sake."

Anger and concern boiled up inside him. "And you've just left her to choke on her own vomit?" he demanded.

"She'll be fine," Baralai said peaceably.

"You still shouldn't have left her!" he said, getting up and walking over to the tent. Paine shrugged and turned back to her boyfriend. Only two pairs of eyes followed Gippal into the tent.

--

Giia danced inwardly. _Turns out even Al Bhed scum have good timing sometimes. _When Auron turned back to her, expression very carefully blank and betraying nothing, Giia gave an overly sweet smile. "It's cute that he cares about her so much."

One eyebrow quirked up one fraction of one centimetre, and Giia knew she'd won. "They're together?" he asked, in a colourless tone.

Giia nodded convincingly. "They made quite the couple."

"Made?" She just about caught the ever-so-slight tightening of his mouth behind the high collar. She took it as a wince at giving himself away.

Nevertheless, she still smiled. "Well, until High Summoner got her long-lost love back anyway."

Auron's eyes flicked once over to the tent that Gippal had just disappeared into, then back to Giia. "I see."

--

Gippal sighed as he stood by the bed that Rikku was lying on. He couldn't say she looked at all adorable – all her limbs were spread all over the bed, her hair was covering her face and her mouth was open, a little puddle of drool forming. Whoever had carried her there apparently hadn't bothered with cleaning the vomit from her clothes – or rather her skin, since she wasn't wearing a lot – and she still had it on her stomach. **(A/N: I know it seems like Auron wouldn't have just left her there with vomit on her, but it works better for the rest of the story if he did)** He couldn't in all good conscience just leave her now. "Alright, first things first – clean clothes."

The only thing he could think of was his shirt, and it wasn't as though Besaid had a cold climate, so he partially undressed quickly, laying his shirt down and sitting next to Rikku on the bed. "Hey, wake up, kiddo," he said gently, a hand on her face.

She stirred. "Gip? What is it? Wanna sleep, go 'way."

"No, you're covered in sick, and it's not good for you to sleep like that. C'mon, Cid's girl, let's get you changed."

"Ok…" she mumbled. She tried to help, untying her bikini strings and letting the top fall away, revealing her breasts.

It wasn't anything Gippal hadn't seen before, and he only raised an eyebrow. "Ok, I was just going to suggest we put the shirt on you first, but whatever." Once he'd wiped the vomit from her stomach, he slid the shirt on to her body and buttoned it. "Ok, you're done."

She gave a sleepy smile. "What would I do without you?"

"Wake up with puke on you," he grinned, kissing her forehead gently. "Go to sleep, Cid's girl."

"I have…a name…" she yawned. Without thinking, she put an arm around his middle and her head on his chest, then fell asleep straightaway, her breathing settling into the deep slow breaths of slumber.

Gippal rolled his eyes – he had wanted to go back and join the party, but tysh ed she looked so peaceful lying there that he just didn't have the heart to wake her. Besides, he'd been in Bevelle in another all-the-leaders-of-all-the-factions-in-Spira-are-working-together publicity exercise all day. Machines he could handle; people and politicians knackered him. One arm crept around the woman lying against him, idly stroking her back. "Night, Cid's girl."

Once he'd spread the blanket over them both, he too closed his eyes and allowed himself to rest.

--

Outside, Giia was busy digging her claws a little deeper into Auron. Quite possibly she could use someone of his abilities. There were a few spheres that it was basically impossible to get to – her organisation just didn't have the strength. Her lackeys weren't bad, but there were some fiends that even sheer force of numbers wouldn't defeat. Someone with Auron's experience would be invaluable. Added to which if he was with her, she could get on with the business of seducing him as soon as possible. She had a feeling that though stupidly stoic and on the rough side, he was probably a good guy. And good guys pissed her off. They insisted on helping people and following rules and _not_ being at all interesting. She wanted him around about as much as she wanted a hole in the head. But unfortunately…if she was ever going to kill Rikku she needed Auron for a while.

"So what are you going to do now?" she asked him.

One corner of his mouth twitched up. "I really don't know. There's no point in me being here." His voice wasn't wistful, it was annoyed.

Giia pasted a pretty frown on her face. "Don't say that, Auron. There has to be some reason for you being here. Maybe you're supposed to do something else."

He gave a short laugh. "Something else besides helping to save the world twice?"

She grinned. "Then maybe the fayth sent you back to have a little fun."

One eyebrow lifted a fraction. "Fun?" He sounded as if the idea wasn't one he'd ever considered before. He hadn't had true fun since he was about seven, and Sin had killed both parents shortly after that. The idea of having fun certainly did sound different. Appealing, even. Just one problem…he'd forgotten how it felt to have fun. He'd thought that perhaps Rikku…no, best not to think about Rikku. At least not until she was conscious. There were too many questions now.

"Yeah," the dark-haired woman beside him. "Travel. See the world." He shot her a sceptical look. "Well ok, see the world _not _on foot. Try hover, or airship." Her next words were carefully chosen. "The Gullwings have one, maybe you could tag along with them for a while." Key words 'tag along'. Not a phrase that anyone liked, especially enormously strong twice-dead Legendary Guardians.

"Not sure flying agrees with me," he said, a half-smile lifting his mouth. "Tried it once before."

"I know what you mean. I always get nauseous. I prefer ground-based missions."

That caught his attention. "Missions?"

"Yeah, sphere hunting. Though now my choices are getting limited."

"Why is that?" he asked.

Giia smiled. This was the way she preferred to operate. It was like playing poker – the key to a good bluff was that occasionally you had to be telling the truth. That way your opponent never could be quite sure if you were lying this time. So she told some of the truth. And she always won her games of poker. Just as she'd win the great big one that was life. Specifically Rikku's life. "To be honest I just can't get to the remaining spheres. They all must be really important, but there are so many fiends defending them…" Cue for sweet little sigh. "We're just not strong enough to get through them."

Deciding to leave the hint-dropping there, she gestured to her followers. "Well, we'd better be going. Long way back home." She turned to Auron and offered him a hand. "It was good to meet you, Auron."

He shook it firmly. "Likewise."

She smiled warmly and got up, pulling out a card and pointing to the Commsphere. "Call me, if you ever need a ride. Or just want to have some fun," she added.

He nodded thoughtfully, but didn't say anymore. She was almost positive she saw him watching her as she left the firelight, though. "What was that about?" one of her lackeys asked.

She waved her hand dismissively. "Possibly nothing. But maybe something…"

The other woman sighed and shrugged. There were some things about her boss she'd never understand. But with Giia heading the operation, you learned quickly not to question too far. She had a plan. She always did.

**A/N: Review. I think it's pretty obvious where I'm going with the next chapter... but after that... well, who knows?**


	8. People Plural

**Chapter Eight**

When the sun rose early – as it always did on Besaid, Auron woke with it. It was an old habit leftover from Pilgrimages. The earlier you were up, the further to Zanarkand you could get. Those mornings were never welcome even then, but now they were more than annoying. There was _nothing _worth getting up for now. Auron sat up and sighed. Things had been so easy on the Farplane. No time, no weather, no fiends, no night, no day. Nothing but an endless, drifting sense of serenity. He glanced upward. "Fucking fayth," he muttered again. Did they _know _how long he'd gone without knowing peace? Or had that bit not been included in the dream?

He'd spent the night in Wakka's hut – which had lain empty since Wakka and Lulu's marriage. The Blitzer had told him he could have it, and Auron had accepted; it wasn't like he had anywhere else to go. Splashing his face with cold water, he put on his shirt, forgetting the thick red coat in the heat, and moved out of the hut. He wanted to check on Rikku. It was unlikely she'd be awake yet, but still. During the last weeks of Yuna's journey, moving on early hadn't mattered. What had mattered was watching the sun rise on Rikku's face, watching it turn her skin golden and highlighting the slender shadows of long eyelashes, fluttering on her cheek. The tiny drops of dew pearling on her hair. The way she'd shift and moan a little in her sleep as she slowly woke up, moving closer to his warmth. The corner of his mouth curled upward. He'd missed that.

The village was still deserted – the time and hangovers had taken care of that – so Auron went unnoticed as he crossed the main square toward Rikku's tent. The smouldering remains of the bonfire were still smoking in the centre, ashes coating the ground, pale grey clinging to his boots as if trying to stop him taking another step. When he got to the tent, he lifted the flap of heavy canvas up. This tent faced west, so it remained fairly dark inside; the sleeping people inside not woken.

He stopped.

People.

Plural.

He spent no more than half a second staring before he let the flap drop back again.

He took one deep breath and then moved away. Then walked. Not aware of destination or direction. Not thinking. Just walk. Sit down. Back against the stone. Blink at a familiar view. Been here before. When? He and Braska praying. Jecht laughing at them for bothering. His Summoner casting a longing, wistful glance at the village. The words. "_Bring Yuna here."_

The promontory.

He let his head drop back against the stone altar. _Rikku. _

Damn it. He should have expected this. Hadn't Giia warned him last night? Quite the couple. A scornful voice flickered up in the back of his mind. _What did you think, old man? She's young. She's beautiful. Did you really expect her to hold on to a ghost? _Of course she wouldn't. He wouldn't have wanted her to. Except now…he was drifting. And not in the carefree-pyrefly way. What was there now?

Standing up with a growl, he shook himself mentally and paced a couple of times. Self-pity did not sit well with him. It wasn't something he liked or was used to. Something he'd felt only once before, crawling through snow. "_Tired, so tired…I just want to rest…" _

Very well. Self-pity was out of the question. But that image remained seared mockingly into his memory. The two of them, curled up together. It was quite obvious – there was no other possible explanation. Rikku, dressed in Gippal's shirt, her golden head resting on his (unscarred) chest. Gippal, arms possessively and protectively wrapped around Rikku's slender body. That had been _his _job once. _He _was the one she came to for comfort, _he _was the one who felt her heartbeat against him. Now someone else had taken over. It was like having a treasured possession stolen that you didn't even realise how much you cherished it until it was gone. It wasn't even that – it was… At the heart of it, it was Gippal. Not of who he was, but of who he was to Rikku. Who exactly had given him permission to love her? Who had told him that he was good enough, that he knew enough, that he had wisdom enough to protect her? She'd never been Auron's property, and he'd never thought of her as such, but she was his responsibility, as much as Yuna had been. Then…

She'd changed. Or he had, or both. Being with Rikku had become his pleasure in a world where any good feeling was utterly transient. He stopped and chuckled at that. It was transient after all. Damn him for a fool. Damn Gippal for being so fucking young, and whole, and loving Rikku. Damn Rikku- No. That was impossible.

Well one thing was clear. While Rikku was on Besaid, he couldn't be. He couldn't be anywhere near where she was. At least until he managed to convert love to friendship. It had started that way. He could revert back. It would take time – but thanks to the fayth, he had that in boatloads.

Thankfully force of habit had meant that Auron had brought his katana with him. He had anger that needed an outlet. The fiend population of Besaid was going to suffer today.

**A/N: I'm horrible, I know. But in fairness, the fic is under the 'angst' genre too! But still, at least things can't get much worse. Right?**


	9. Let Me Not Have Dreamed Him

**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to Throwing-Fire-Twice, since you're the ONLY person who bothered to review last chapter! So thank you for that – and the rest of you BE ASHAMED!**

**Chapter Nine**

Rikku woke with a smile on her face. She'd had the most wonderful dreams…Auron had come back to her, and he'd told her what he never had before; that he loved her, and she'd told him, and after that everything had moved into a halcyon whirl of desire and passion and blissful, unimaginable happiness. Was that real? Wait a second. Her green swirled eyes snapped open. And immediately shut again. Holy fuck she had a hangover. The kind that made your brain feel like it was splintered into a million pieces and about to fall from your ears. The kind that made you feel like you wanted to throw up and stay in bed for the rest of the day. In a cool dark room.

No.

_Can't, _she thought. _Auron. Please, please, let me not have dreamed him. Not again. _It had been so real. She could still smell him. It wasn't a dream, she was becoming more and more convinced of that. She was in bed with Gippal – because she'd gotten drunk and he'd gotten her out of her vomit-covered clothes. She'd thrown up because Auron had come back. He'd been just…standing there. Like he never left. Like he'd done nothing wrong. She had to find him. She had to demand an explanation, and then she had to kiss the shit out of him.

Letting out a hiss of pain, she opened her eyes and sat up. Stopped. Wearing Gippal's shirt. Needed to change out of it. She turned back to the bed. "Gippal!"

He moaned and turned over. "Too early, kid."

She hit his shoulder. "Gippal, get up, right now!"

He finally rolled over and glared at her. "What?!"

"Where did you put my clothes?" she asked frantically, hopping from one foot to the other.

"They're over there, but they're all covered in sick," he answered. "Why're you in such a hurry anyway? S'not like anyone else is gonna be up yet."

"Auron will be!" she cried. "Oh fuck it!" There was a white flash and then she stood there in her gun mage's costume. **(A/N: I always liked that one.)**

Gippal was frowning, sat up now and thinking hard. There was that edge of hysteria in her voice again. To be honest he was amazed she didn't have a hangover, and still too fuzzy with sleep to think. It was coming slowly though…

"Wish me luck!" she said, running from the tent.

Gippal sat there for about thirty seconds. "_Oh_." A pause. "That's a bit fucked up."

Outside, Rikku was running – where, she didn't know, as she'd pretty much always been able to _feel _where Auron was. That went for all the others, too. It was a Pilgrimage thing – in battle you had to know where your allies were, what they were doing and be aware of their movements every step of the way. They worked as a team, and in any team, cooperation was the name of the game. By the time they got to Zanarkand, though, no one worked better together than Rikku and Auron did. It was like watching water – liquid and flawless. They could be like that again, now that he was back. They could fit together in every possible way. The idea was enough to make her laugh while she ran.

Within a half an hour, she was no longer laughing. Or smiling. She was frowning. Where was he? He wasn't anywhere in the village, and no one had seen him leave. He wasn't in the temple, or on the beach, or on the normal paths, or by the promontory…Rikku was running out of ideas.

"Hey, Rikku," Tidus greeted as he strolled from the hut he and Yuna lived in. "You feelin' ok after last night?"

The truth was no, and she'd already thrown up half a dozen times since getting up – the running certainly hadn't helped – and the headache had gotten considerably worse. She was going to tell Auron off for being so hard to find before she kissed him. She nodded. "Yeah, have you seen Auron?"

"Uh, not this morning, why?"

"Because I want to kill him again," she muttered.

"What?"

"I'm looking for him, you idiot!"

"Where you tried?"

"Everywhere except like the Cloister of Trials!" she complained.

"So…look again!" he shrugged.

"Urgh, you're no help." Spotting Wakka, she abandoned Tidus and ran toward the larger man. "Wakka!"

Wakka suddenly found himself with an armful of blonde Al Bhed. "What's up, ya? Why you all red?"

She leaned against him for a moment; mainly because the world was spinning. "I can't find Auron!" she wailed. "I've looked everywhere, and I can't help thinking what if I dreamt it and he's not back and, Wakka, I can't lose him again I just _can't_-"

A light touch on Wakka's shoulder; he turned to give his wife a helpless look while patting Rikku's back gingerly. Lulu smiled and nodded – with some careful manoeuvring Wakka put Rikku into Lulu's arms while he went to check on Vidina. Lulu smiled fondly after him; that was why she loved Wakka so much; he always tried so hard. Even if he couldn't do anything, even if the situation was hopeless – Wakka could always be counted on to be there. And loving her unconditionally didn't hurt.

The black mage smoothed some hair from Rikku's face. "Rikku, what's the matter?"

Rikku wiped tears that she pretended weren't there away and sniffed. "I can't find Auron. I didn't imagine him coming back, right, Lulu?"

"No, I don't believe you did," she replied, her voice cool and soothing.

"So where _is _he?"

"If I know Sir Auron…"

"…fighting fiends," Rikku finished. "But I've checked in the normal places…"

"Then perhaps you should look in some _un_usual places," Lulu suggested. She was rewarded by a tight hug and the restoring of the blonde's good humour. Within seconds Rikku was running out of the village. "Rikku, wait, don't go anywhere…" Too late. She was gone. Lulu sighed. "…without backup," she completed lamely. _I hope she finds him. I hope they can heal each other. _ "Oh well. What trouble could she get into, after all?"

--

Now, Rikku was strong. She was more than capable in battle, and her garment grid was full. But she was going into the Besaid Caves, and the fiends in there – no matter how strong you were – meant that you needed help. But young, hot-blooded Al Bhed girls who were desperately in love did not think ahead. Or think at all.

_Especially about how much noise they make, _Auron thought. In truth, Rikku had run past him at least ten times this morning, but he had heard her coming from a mile away, and made himself scarce. He wasn't hiding. But he wasn't ready for her to tell him that his presence was completely superfluous to her just yet. But he had kept an eye on her during the occasional battles she'd been in, and been impressed with how well she fought. A bad move on his part, since watching her lithe body move had brought to the surface the love he'd been pushing down, as well as a darker, more deeply hidden lust. Gods, all he could think about was having her right then and there – up against a tree, if he had to.

Thankfully, he now had more important things on his mind than ravishing Rikku senseless. Like the fact that she'd gone into those caves almost an hour ago and still hadn't come out. Swearing softly under his breath, he entered the caves after her.

It was only after he got to the very back of the cave that he found her, slumped over, the body of a huge fiend dissolving into pyreflies in front of her. He was shocked to see her in some weird armour; more shocked to see his Masamune stuck in the ground acting as a support for her. She fell, and Auron caught her before she hit the floor. She was already unconscious, her face pale and several wounds on her – some shallow and some not; and he had no potions.

She wasn't heavy, and was warm, and her skin was soft and she looked so _fragile_…

Auron sighed as he made his way back to the village as quickly as he could. _I need to leave Besaid. _

When he got to the village, thankfully Yuna was walking back from the Temple – she saw him carrying Rikku and gasped, then rushed over. "What on Spira happened?"

"She went into the caves alone," Auron replied, his voice tight with worry. "Can you heal her?"

"Yes, bring her into my hut," she said breathlessly.

When he put Rikku down on the bed as gently as possible, her eyes flickered open, the emerald spirals hazed with pain. "Auron…?" she whimpered.

He put a hand on her forehead. "Hush. Yuna needs to heal you."

She nodded. "Don't…go…" She faded back into unconsciousness, and Auron backed away from the bed to let Yuna come forward and begin working.

"How long has she been out for?" she asked.

"In and out of it for the last twenty minutes," he said, not taking his gaze from Rikku's sweat-sheened face.

Yuna put a hand on his shoulder and smiled encouragingly. He realised this was not the same timid Summoner he'd left. Before Yuna had had the compassion, but not the self-confidence to make people believe in her. Oh she was revered as the High Summoner now, just as Braska had been – but like her father, no one in Spira had actually expected the young girl to defeat Sin. "She'll be ok, Sir Auron."

Apparently some things did not change.

He stayed until Rikku's wounds were closed, and her sleep became less troubled. "She'll be awake in a few moments," Yuna said. "But I doubt she'll stay awake for long. The healing process can be begun by magic but for true healing the body needs lots of rest. She'll be up and about by tomorrow."

As if to demonstrate her words, Rikku stirred and opened her eyes. Despite exhaustion clear on her face, her smile was still utterly radiant. More dazzling than the sun. Her eyes did not leave his face; she did not even see Yuna. "You're here," she murmured.

He nodded. "I'm here."

Already the healing process was dragging her back under, and it was clearly a trial to talk. "…was looking…for you…"

"I know," he said. Even through the leather of his glove he felt her touch on his skin.

Her eyes flickered open one more time, then closed again. "I'm sorry…but Gippal…"

His copper eye closed briefly. "It's alright. I know."

This seemed to comfort her, and she fell asleep with a smile on her face – a smile that told Auron he'd been right – and curled up slightly, her face turned toward him. From this angle the smile looked mocking. Yuna stood. "Will you stay with her for a while, Sir Auron? Just until I can find Tidus or Gippal?"

The mention of Gippal's name tightened Auron's mouth, but he nodded. "I'll stay."

Yuna nodded and left the hut. Auron sighed and let go of Rikku's hand. Did she have to look so beautiful? It wasn't the same innocent beauty she'd had three years ago- it was older now, more experienced. In her face wasn't the optimism of youth anymore; she'd seen tragedy now, experienced loss and become stronger for it. But she was still so _young_, that much was evident. It wasn't that he wanted her to become as cynical and world-weary as he was, but…a little less flippant? Not with the people around her – she'd do anything for them – but with _problems. _If an obstacle was there; no matter, she'd just overcome it and move on. With no thought as to how, and no consideration to the fact that sometimes there were going to be problems she couldn't fix.

She didn't need someone like him around to drag her down.

And he didn't need to be around someone he couldn't help but love.

By the time someone came to relieve him (Tidus; fortunately for him, Gippal had gone back to Djose), Auron's decision still hadn't been made. When he walked out of the hut, he finally realised that at least part of the empty feeling in him was hunger – it had been, after all, thirteen years since he'd last felt the compulsion to eat – and went to find something. What constituted food again?

It looked as though a guardian angel in the form of Lulu had answered his prayers – she'd left a basket of fruit and some fresh baked in his hut, along with a note. _Thought you might be hungry. The shop sells food for next time. _He chuckled, good humour momentarily restored, and picked up an apple, then decided to go for another walk. The earlier anger that had fuelled him had drained out now – and it had helped clear his mind. Which he was going to need. He had some thinking to do.

**A/N: PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! If you wanna cause harm do it verbally instead lol with a review. And I'd quite like reviewS plural for this one! **


	10. Material, Flawed, Real

**A/N: THANK YOU if you reviewed, SHAME ON YOU if you did not. And AmineBabe88 – it is gonna get more angsty, just warning ya now! Enjoy!**

**Chapter Ten**

The thinking took a long time – more than twenty four hours, in fact. Rikku would be fine by now, and as far as he knew hadn't come looking for him again – either that or the secluded spot he'd found was more isolated than he'd thought. Auron was not stupid – it did not take him long to sift through and distil his thoughts, and he'd considered every angle of the problem, and every inch of every possible solution. The only glitch was that there were only two ways out of the problem. One; he was wrong – which he knew he wasn't – and Rikku did love him. Two; he left Besaid. One was now inconceivable, and ignoring the heartache, he concentrated on Two. Two created a problem of its own. Namely: where would he go?

Like a flash of lightning, the answer came to him.

When he got back to the village, he headed straight for the Commsphere. It was a few moments before the person on the other end answered. "Auron!" a female voice answered, her voice clearly delighted. "How can I help?"

"Does your offer still stand, Giia?"

--

Two days after Rikku woke up – bitterly disappointed that Auron hadn't been there – the Legendary Guardian hadn't been seen anywhere. Well, that wasn't strictly true; everyone else had seen him, had had conversations with him, made sure he was getting on okay…but Rikku was beginning to think that he was actively avoiding her. And she couldn't for the life of her work out why, and it was _killing _her. Forget the kissing him plan, first she was going to punch him, then she was going to demand an explanation. What in the world could change in the space of twelve hours? When he'd turned up…just like in her dreams…everything was going to be perfect… Damn it, she'd seen it in his eyes; he loved her! It had made her want to sing, that hope in his eyes – something she'd never seen there, and never dared to dream that she ever would. The idea that that hope was there because of _her_ was an indescribable feeling. Did she have the power to give someone so utterly beyond despair _hope_?

But now…it appeared she didn't. She loved him – she was more certain of that than she was of anything, and in that moment she'd been certain that the feeling was reciprocated. _But I guess that was just the sake… _The idea that he didn't love her made her want to find a corner and cry silently. But she'd become good at hiding her emotions. Until she was alone. Then the wall crumbled. On the third night running she hadn't seen him, Rikku decided to take the initiative – when everyone else had gone to bed, she crept to Auron's hut. Pausing at the door, she took a deep breath before lifting up the flap. To walk inside with a tiny cry of dismay.

It was empty – the bed seemed huge, and obviously hadn't been slept in at all. She walked inside slowly, crossing to the chair where Auron's trademark red coat lay folded. In the heat it wasn't much help, she reasoned. Though he hadn't taken it off in Bikanel, she thought. She definitely would have remembered if those delicious arms had been on show… The brief amusement faded, and Rikku went to sit on the bed, taking the coat with her. Sitting, she lifted the heavy material to her face – and sniffed. With one deep breath, she lost all composure. Her face crumpled, and she muffled her sobs in the coat. Thankfully, the material was thick enough so that no sound escaped, but the force of her despair shook her entire body, and when she finally stopped – because she no longer had the breath – the red weave was soaked with her tears. Forgetting where she was, Rikku curled up on the bed, still holding white-knuckled onto the coat. It was the only part of Auron she had.

She couldn't have known how hard it would be for Auron to come in, hours later, and have to cradle her body in his arms, walk across to put her back in her own bed. She couldn't have known how much his heart would clench, how difficult she'd made it for him to leave, or just how many doubts she'd stirred up with her presence. At no point did she wake up, not even after Auron had laid her in her own bed, and pulled the covers over her.

Why had she gone to his hut? Why was she holding his coat? Had he been wrong? Did she still… No, he decided. She was only there because she wanted to make sure he'd understood, wanted to make sure that he hadn't taken offence. How could he take offence to her moving on with her life?

He lingered for a moment, then allowed himself a moment of weakness; what was probably the last look at Rikku he'd ever have. He bent and brushed her lips with his own. "Goodbye, Rikku," he murmured.

He did not sleep that night.

The following morning, he sought out and said goodbye to each of them in turn. Like the night he'd returned, the morning of his departure all their reactions were different. Wakka and Tidus were disappointed, of course, but lingering sentiment meant that they trusted Auron's judgement. Lulu seemed inexplicably disappointed not with his departure but _in _him – he got the feeling she was only one who had begun to understand why he was leaving – and Yuna was distraught. "But, Sir Auron, you've only just got back! And I…wanted to talk to you about so many things…"

Despite himself, curiosity was piqued. "Things?"

Yuna shrugged. "Well…about my father, mainly. Things we never talked about on my Pilgrimage…"

Guilt was swiftly becoming the emotion most familiar to him. "I know, Yuna. And I'll answer your questions, I promise. I am not going forever."

She nodded. "I guess…um, have you said goodbye to…Rikku?" she asked nervously.

Auron hesitated for only a moment before nodding. "I have." _Even if she wasn't awake to hear it… _

Yuna smiled. "Good." She moved forward and embraced him swiftly. "Don't be a stranger."

"No. Farewell."

With that, he turned and walked from the village, cursing himself for a coward every step of the way. Rikku wasn't even awake yet, and he was stealing away like a thief in the night. All because he couldn't find the courage to look in her eyes as he was cutting himself off from her. He glanced at the sun – well on its way up the sky. Rikku would be waking up soon, if she hadn't already. He increased his pace. He'd arranged to meet Giia in Luca, and the ship left in less than half an hour. He had to make that boat.

He almost did, too. One foot set firmly on the wooden surface of the dock – and he heard what he'd been dreading.

"Auron!"

He stopped. Took a deep breath. Turned. "What is it, Rikku?"

She skidded to a stop, clutching her side. "I heard…you were leaving…today…" she panted.

His face remained impassive. "That's right."

"You didn't even say goodbye," she accused quietly.

"You were asleep…I didn't want to wake you."

A frown crinkled her pretty features. "Well…where are you going?"

"To see the world," he answered.

"Why? I thought we…" Her voice trailed off, sad and quiet. Still, her eyes remained locked with his, silently completing the question.

Thank the fayth for sunglasses; letting her see the expression in his eyes now would just be dangerous. He tilted his head up slightly, and Rikku blinked when the connection was broken. "That was a long time ago. We're different people now."

"I-" She broke off. She was a different person now, but not in a bad way, right? Older, wiser…sadder. But the night he came back, she was sure…

"Ship's waiting," he said, looking at everything but her. Sky…sea…sand…anything…

Her mouth opened. Had she changed that much? "You're- you're not just going to disappear, are you?" she asked nervously. "I mean…you'll call, right?"

Auron made a mistake. He looked at her. She didn't have tears in her eyes, she just looked confused. Well too bad. He wasn't going to explain it to her; wasn't it obvious enough? He wasn't going to stick around while the woman he loved was happy with someone else. He'd had enough self-sacrifice for one lifetime. Still, years of training himself to ignore his impulses were almost overwhelmed by the urge to take her in his arms. Instead he folded them. "If I have time."

"If you have time?" she asked disbelievingly.

"Yes," he said flatly.

"But, surely, Aur-"

"Goodbye, Rikku," he said, turning away and walking onto the gangplank before she could get another word out. He couldn't handle her calling his name again, and as if knowing this, she didn't try. It…sounded _different_ when Rikku said it. Not as hard, not as rough, not as… Rikku said his name as if he were a man, a material, flawed, _real _man, with weaknesses and imperfections and emotions. Everyone else looked at a man and conjured a legend, fabricated perfection where there was none. He'd had that for so long he'd almost forgotten he was a man. And that was why he'd fallen in love with her. Because she reminded him how human and blemished he was, and loved him anyway.

But no more.

Auron walked deliberately to the other side of the ship, and did not look back at Besaid until it was only a speck in the distance. When he turned back to look, the beach was reduced to only a flash of gold, the island an emerald jewel in a sea of turquoise. And he could still see Rikku. Shutting his eye firmly against the mocking image, he turned his back on Besaid for the last time.

Softly, the wind carried away the sound of two hearts breaking.

**A/N: Ok...I'm sure a lot of people are angry with me... Hides If you can find me, review ;)  
**


	11. Mish Rikku, Telephone For Yoooooooooou!

**A/N: Wow the last chapter got a really great response! Thank you so much guys! & I thought the best way to start the week was with another chapter (it's 10:37am here btw), so here you go & I hope you enjoy!**

**Chapter Eleven**

It had been four whole months since she'd seen Auron, sixteen weeks since she'd spoken to him and one hundred and twelve days since she'd been close enough to inhale his scent. She felt like she had been, for two thousand, six hundred and eighty eight hours, slowly dying. She'd thought losing Auron would be the worst possible thing in the world – but this was so much worse. Knowing he was alive, out there and maybe with someone else could only be described as torture. It was like having acid bubbling away in her stomach; whenever someone mentioned his name she stiffened involuntarily and fought the urge to let all her questions pour out and demand some answers. The situation was compounded by the fact that once again, Rikku was singled out. Auron had been in touch with everyone else on Besaid, told them where he was, what he was doing. "I offered to fetch you," Yuna said apologetically to her, "but Sir Auron said he had to go."

Rikku swallowed. "I just don't understand, Yunie. What could I have done?"

Yuna hugged her. It hadn't taken long for the High Summoner to work out what was wrong with her younger cousin. She recognised that kind of despair, of losing the one you cared so deeply about. She couldn't imagine how lost she'd have been if Tidus had come back only to tell her he didn't want to be with her. "You love him, don't you?" she asked.

"Of course I do!" Rikku cried, breaking free of her hold and standing up, grief etched on her face. "How could I _not_?" She scrubbed the tears away and sniffed. "I just…what am I supposed to do now?" she asked. "Just go back to sphere hunting?"

"Have you told Auron how you feel?" a voice asked.

The two younger girls turned to see Lulu standing in the doorway, Vidina balanced on her hip. At the sight of his favourite blonde auntie, the baby stretched out his arms to her and gurgled happily. Even Rikku had to smile – the fact that Vidina always seemed to be happy to see her was basically the only bright spot in her life at the moment. Lulu let her take him happily, then sat down next to Yuna and repeated her question. "Have you told Auron?"

Rikku continued for a moment trying to ignore it and concentrated instead on convincing Vidina she'd stolen his nose. "Rikku!"

At the scolding tone, she winced. "No," she finally answered. "I haven't. But I mean, he must know, I… And I thought he might…"

"Perhaps he does," Lulu said kindly. "But, Rikku, if he thinks it's unrequited, then it's small wonder he won't talk to you."

"You think?" Rikku asked hopefully.

"I do."

"Ok…Yeah! I'll go and find him and then he'll _have _to listen to me," she declared. "Except…I have no idea where to start looking."

"He was outside the Mi'ihen Highroad Agency last time I spoke to him," Yuna said.

"Yes, I'll go call Brother and tell him to meet me at the beach, then I'm going to the Highroad!" Not one to waste time, Rikku left the hut quickly, almost running for the Commsphere.

Lulu stood up a moment later in alarm. "Rikku!"

The Al Bhed came back with a sheepish smile on her face. "This is yours, huh?" she said, handing Vidina back over. "See ya, little man!" she said, ruffling his hair. She ran off – Lulu and Yuna watched her go.

"She's terrified, isn't she?" Yuna asked quietly.

"Yes," Lulu replied, equally softly. "Terrified, and sad, and very in love."

--

Less than two hours later, the roaring of the engines of the _Celsius _could be heard from all over the island, and Rikku was climbing aboard, her normal bright smile firmly fixed in place. After Yuna's persuasion, Rikku agreed that she might need some company – if she found some particularly strong fiends, alone, she'd be in deep trouble. "Head for Bevelle!" she told Brother. Paine and Baralai had left the day after the party, saying they had some 'issues' to sort out – not a pseudonym for sex Rikku had ever heard before. _Humph, _she thought. _Wish I was having 'issues'. _Still, if she knew Paine, being around one person for too long would drive her crazy. She might be glad of the chance to get away for a while.

She was wrong – when she got to Bevelle, and managed to track down the Praetor of New Yevon, it was to be told through the office door (Baralai with a hugely embarrassed grin on his face), that he had no idea where Paine was. Rikku crossed her arms. "She's in there with you, isn't she?"

"Um, yes?"

She rolled her eyes and sighed. "Well, just you tell her that she missed out on another adventure!" she said. "And also have fun," she winked, before turning and leaving the way she'd come. Once her back was turned, her smile slipped, and just for a second, she looked ancient in her misery.

By the time she stood on the Highbridge, she was grinning again, bouncing up and down slightly on the balls of her feet. When she got back onto the bridge of the ship, Buddy called her over. "Rao, Rikku. Barkeep cyoc fa haat du rayt du Luca vun cusa cibbmeac. Dryd ug?" (Hey, Rikku. Barkeep says we need to head to Luca for some supplies. That ok?)

She nodded. "Cina. Yc muhk yc fa ku du Mi'ihen cdnyekrd yvdan." (Sure. As long as we go to Mi'ihen straight after.)

Buddy agreed, and Brother revved the engines as the _Celsius _rose into the air, heading full speed for Luca. It was blitz season again, and though there were plans for another stadium to be built in the Calm Lands, the one in Luca was still the only one in Spira. Rikku sighed. The town was going to be packed, and she never felt more lonely than in a crowd. For a moment, she caught herself wishing that Tidus hadn't come back – at least that way Yuna would still be with her, and Rikku would have a reason to stay cheerful rather than it simply being the only way she could get through the day. The will to keep up the charade though; that was slowly being eroded away. It wasn't as if she had anyone be cheerful for, now. _No, _she decided. _Must not be bitter. Sysy wouldn't want me to be bitter. They're my friends. I should be happy for them. _

"Helloooo, Mish Rikku," Barkeep said cheerfully as she walked in.

"Hey, Barkeep," she said wearily; Hypellos weren't all that good at distinguishing one human emotion from the next, so there was no point in faking a smile.

"What can I dooo for yoooou?"

Rikku looked momentarily at the rows of alcohol behind the bar. It would be so easy to get drunk right now. "Nothing," she said at length. "I'm fine thanks, Barkeep. Just need a rest." She had her own quarters, but all she wanted was a place she could nap, not a full-blown lie-down sleep.

"Shleeep tight."

It was as she was lying down that Barkeep called up, "Mish Rikku, telephone for yooooou…"

She groaned and rolled out of bed, then jumped down agilely from the platform and took the phone from the Hypello. "Hello?"

"Hey, it's me," a female voice answered.

"Hi, Paine. What's up?"

"Sorry I missed you earlier – there was a…sartorial situation. What did you need?"

"Well, I'm going on kind of a little quest, just wondered if you fancied coming along?"

There was a pause. "I'd love to Rikku, but maybe in like a week or something? There are…still things that need to be said here first."

Rikku tried not to sound disappointed. Granted it would be less embarrassing to be alone when she found Auron, but she also felt like she might need someone to bolster her courage at some point. "Oh, ok…I mean, sure, you and Baralai have things you have to do and stuff…"

"I'm sorry, Rikku. What's this quest of yours anyway?"

"I'm going to track someone down. For, uh…Rin! Yeah, 'cause Rin wants us to find someone who owes him money and um…yeah…"

Paine did not sound as if she believed it for one moment. "Where are you headed now?"

"Luca. Barkeep needs supplies and then we're headed to the Mi'ihen Highroad. That's where Aur- this person was seen last."

"Well if you wait a few days in Luca I'll come to you?" her friend suggested.

"Actually I think Brother wants to get going as soon as possible. He's been getting pretty antsy lately."

"The shock of losing Yuna, no doubt," Paine replied dryly.

Rikku laughed. "You know, that's probably it," she said, striking a pose, even though she knew Paine couldn't see her. "Anyways, I gotta go, Paine. Call me when you're ready for the adventure and we'll come pick you up, ok?"

"Alright."

"And don't have too much fun in the meantime, you hear?"

"Bye, Rikku."

"See ya!" She put the phone back in its cradle and sighed. "Thanks Barkeep." Walking over to the ship's internal radio fixed on the wall she pressed the number for the bridge. "Brother? How long till we get to Luca?"

"Cdemm yhudran veja ruinc, gaab ouin byhdeac uh!" (Still another five hours, keep your panties on!)

"Oui'na yh eteud," she told him matter-of-factly. (You're an idiot.) Letting go of the button, she climbed the stairs again. This time, she only got to the top step before Barkeep called her down again.

"Mish Rikku, telephone for yoooooou!"

"Urgh." She turned around. "Who is it?"

"Mishter Cid!"

Knowing she'd have to talk to her father or he'd just keep calling, she went back down to the bar. "Pops?"

"Rikku, how are ya? Listen, don't forget, I need ya help sortin' out the shields! Damn things still ain't working properly, none of the engineers have the foggiest what the hell's wrong with 'em!" New Home was due to open in another two months, and her father (understandably) had invested heavily in defensive technology – including huge energy shield generators. Unfortunately, the technology was based on ancient machina, and there were bugs in the programme that nobody seemed to be able to fix.

Rikku sighed. She knew she was a good engineer, but she wasn't a miracle worker. "Pops, I keep telling you, you don't need me, you need Shinra. He's the genius on board."

"Now don't be stupid, Shinra's just a kid!"

"Yeah, that's what he keeps saying…" she muttered.

"What?"

"Nothing, Pops. Listen, the _Celsius _will be coming to Bikanel just as soon as we're done with other stuff, ok?"

"Other stuff? What other stuff? Or are you not Al Bhed anymore?" he demanded.

Rikku immediately fired up. "Pops, you know how important my heritage is to me, don't you dare start questioning that!"

"Alright, alright, I ain't questioning you, girl, calm down. Hey, I heard the other one of Yuna's guardian's is back, what's-his-name, Sir somebody. That true?"

"It's _Auron_, Pops, and yeah, it is true. So what?"

"Well, make sure he knows about the reopening party!" Cid exclaimed. "Hell, I'd invite all of Spira if I could-"

"Then why are you bothering with all the defences?" she asked.

Cid neatly ignored this. "-but don't think they'd all fit… And also, y'know, tell everyone else that they're welcome to bring anyone they like. You gonna be bringin' Gippal?"

"No, Pops, how many times? I broke up with Gippal, remember? He's just a good friend now."

"Well, alright then. You're too picky if you ask me, same as your mother, she was always-"

"Clearly not, Pops, since she married you!" Rikku spat, then slammed the phone down, fuming. How dare he forget Auron's name? How dare anyone forget what he'd done for Spira? Twice! She knew he wasn't perfect, but he was sure as hell closer to it than most people she knew! "Cuh uv y…" (Son of a…)

Still muttering, she decided to give up the idea of sleep and just go read some more in her room. There was a book of ancient white magic she'd come across, and it contained many long forgotten spells, some incredibly powerful and older than Sin itself. The next chapter was devoted to a spell that, of course, Rikku had heard of, but rather than simply stating that it was forbidden to cast, actually told the reader _how _to cast it. The idea of having such an intimate knowledge of magic was thrilling – the spell was the only white magic in existence that was sufficiently powerful to convolute the border between life and death. It was actually something that most Spirans would have heard of, if only in a very twisted, mythological kind of way.

She was still absorbed in the book when they landed just outside Luca, and didn't even notice until Buddy radioed down to her room. "Rikku, we're here. Barkeep's got a list of stuff for ya."

"Yeah, on my way."

**A/N: Poor Rikku trying to be brave. Maybe things won't go from bad to worse. Maybe. Review please!**


	12. All's Fair In Love And War

**A/N: THANK YOU for all the reviews, I know I keep gushing but it honestly helps so much. & TFT, you were right. Be afraid. Be very afraid.  
**

**Chapter Twelve**

When she stepped onto the sunny streets of Luca, it was a bustling and busy as she'd expected it to be, and she couldn't move faster than a snail's pace along the docks. There were people from all over Spira in town for the blitz, Ronso, who all greeted Rikku respectfully, since she was a friend of their Elder, the Psyches all hailed her over, chatting and joking with her. It didn't look as though the Aurochs were here, which since they'd won all their heat matches wasn't all that surprising. The next match for them would be the quarter finals in another couple of weeks. By the time Rikku had evaded everyone else in Luca – who didn't know her, but knew her as a Legendary Guardian – she was hot, and tired, and thirsty. And she still hadn't gotten at least half of the things on Barkeep's list. Why couldn't Brother have done this? Or was the Captain too high and mighty to mingle with the common folk? She was just thinking about heading into a café for a drink when a familiar voice called her name. Two familiar voices, in fact.

"Rikku! Rikku!"

She turned to see Tidus and Yuna waving madly and coming toward her, bright grins on their faces. "Hi," she said, slightly stunned by their sudden appearance. "What are you guys doing here?"

"To see the Blitz of course," Tidus replied. "What about you? I thought you were going to go find-" He cut off after Yuna elbowed him in the side. "Uh, I mean…"

Rikku sighed. "It's fine, don't worry about it. I'm here for Barkeep – he wanted some supplies, but I haven't got it all yet, there are too many vilgehk people."

"Want some help?" Yuna asked cheerfully.

Rikku was about to refuse, since she didn't want to interrupt their couple time and had no desire to be a third wheel, when Tidus answered for her. "Yeah, Yuna, why don't you do that, there's uh, something I wanna get. Guy stuff, y'know."

"Oh, okay…" Yuna said as her boyfriend disappeared in a blond blur. She frowned for a moment and then turned to Rikku, a bright smile on her face. "So, where do we need to go first?"

"I was thinking about getting something to drink," Rikku said, hoping Yuna would agree, since her throat was killing her.

"Sounds great! What about that café over there?" She pointed, and Rikku hid a smile – it was the same café that the Psyches had kidnapped her in over four years ago. They headed into the café together, Rikku's smile beginning to get genuine- when she saw him.

At the entrance to the café, she stopped dead, her fingers grasping Yuna's arm tightly, her eyes wide and fixed on a point in the corner. "Rikku?" Yuna asked concernedly, looking at the ashen colour of her cousin's face.

Rikku did not take her gaze away from the horrific scene before her, now fighting the urge to simultaneously throw up and burst into tears. Yuna followed her gaze, letting out a gasp herself.

Auron was standing in the corner, his back to them, but the red coat and huge muscled form were unmistakable – it was definitely him. But the reason for Rikku's distress was equally evident. A pair of slim, decidedly feminine hands were wrapped around Auron's neck, and whoever the woman was, they were clearly embracing. Then the couple half-turned, the woman's face became visible and Rikku let out a strangled sob, then ran from the restaurant without a seconds' pause.

Giia.

By the time Yuna found Rikku again amidst the crush of people, her cousin was curled up into a ball, slumped at the bottom of a wall in an alleyway. For a moment Yuna thought she'd been shot, or stabbed. Then she moved slightly, and Yuna saw her shoulders shaking. She knelt beside her, uncaring of the filthy ground or the mysterious wet patch just next to her left knee. "Rikku, are you alright?" she asked quietly.

The blonde girl nodded, or it could have just been that her entire body was trembling, and the volume of her sobs increased loudly. Yuna shifted closer and sat next to her, putting an arm around Rikku's shoulders. When Rikku lifted her head, Yuna felt tears of sympathy come to her own eyes at the depth of utter and abject despair in hers. For a long while, the two girls sat there until Rikku felt like she could open her mouth without immediately throwing up. Funny how you could know you loved someone without truly knowing how much for so long. But when she'd seen the two of them together, she had _felt _a hand of ice reach into her ribcage and crush out her still-beating heart like an old tin can. Even now, there was a burning pain there.

"Yuna…" she croaked out, voice hoarse from at least an hour of sobbing. "Tell that wasn't…"

"I can't," her cousin whispered.

"But how _could _he?" she whimpered. "How could _she_? I knew she hated me, but… Why? I…just, why?"

Yuna was unable to answer, but eventually coaxed Rikku into stopping crying. It was another twenty minutes before they were ready to get out of the alleyway. "C'mon," she said. "Let's get back to the _Celsius._"

Rikku miserably agreed, but they hadn't gotten further than the entrance of the alleyway when a shadow fell over them. "Well, well, found you at last."

Yuna could have sworn Rikku actually _growled. _She certainly looked ready to pounce on Giia – minus Auron now, but flanked by two of her lackeys – and tear her limb from limb. The High Summoner couldn't honestly say that she would have tried to stop her. "What the fuck to you want, Giia?" Rikku spat, her fists balling.

"Aw, has the Al Bhed scum been crying? Whatever for, Princess? Could it be that you saw something you didn't like? Now what could that be, I wonder?"

Yuna spoke, holding onto Rikku more tightly. "I swear, Giia, you have no right to-"

"Well, you know what they say," Giia replied, still looking at Rikku with a mocking smile. "All's far in love and war." Her face slipped. "And this is both."

With a snarl, Rikku punched her as hard as she could, and Giia went down like a long. Her two comrades uttered battle cries and launched themselves into the fray – but did not last more than ten seconds before the two Gullwings took them out of it again. Yuna wiped the thin sheen of sweat away from her forehead and looked at Rikku. To see that Giia had woken up, but was still groaning on the ground, and Rikku was doing her best to make sure that she not only got knocked out again, but that she never woke up. "You know what they say, Giia!" she said, with a smile that reminded Yuna of a shark. She punctuated every word with another blow. "All's…fair…in love…and…war!"

"Rikku! Rikku, you have to stop!" Yuna cried. "She's out!"

Rikku delivered one more punch to Giia's nose – which resulted in a very satisfying crack – and got up, dusting herself off. "Pedlr."

"Rikku, let's get back to the ship. Before any of them wake up," she added in an undertone. She took Rikku's still trembling hand and led her back to where the _Celsius _was waiting.

It was both a bad thing and a good thing they left when they had – not five minutes later, Giia woke up, complete with her very obvious bruises, and ran right into Auron's arms. A good thing, because Yuna and Rikku didn't have to face his anger – and a bad thing, because they didn't have a chance to explain, and the way Giia told it, he was very, _very_ angry. And partly in total disbelief. Maybe he'd been more right than he knew; she really had changed, and not at all for the better. The Rikku he knew would never attack an innocent woman for no reason. And as for Yuna…

He put his hands on Giia's shoulders. "Are you sure about Yuna? I can't believe that she'd-"

Giia recognised that she'd have to change tack, since there was obviously no way the infernal man would possibly believe his precious High Summoner was capable of doing anything wrong. She suppressed the urge to sigh impatiently. "Well, it looked more like she was trying to pull Rikku off me, but I couldn't tell, she was hitting me so hard and fast, I couldn't even _breathe_-" She let her voice break, summoning tears that could have been squeezed from any crocodile, and threw herself at Auron, burying her face in his chest. It had taken her several weeks to try and work out how to snare him, since he wasn't the type of guy that fell for tiny skirts and vast amounts of cleavage shoved in his face. No, Auron was a man trying to find himself. All he had to go on at the moment was what he'd always done; being a Guardian. It was what he knew, where his strength was, what he was comfortable doing. All Giia had to do was be a damsel in distress – it wouldn't interest him for long, of course, but then Giia didn't need it to. It wasn't as though she were planning on keeping him around anyway.

**A/N: I know I created her, but even I'm surprised at how much of a bitch Giia is turning out to be. I can't promise she's gonna get her comeuppance soon though. **


	13. Perfectly Unremarkable

**A/N: Thank you for reviewing, if you did. If you didn't then I don't like you :( Also we're launching into the storyline this chapter. **

**Chapter Thirteen**

No matter what she did, or said, Yuna could do nothing to cheer her cousin up. As soon as they'd boarded the _Celsius_, Rikku had shrugged away Yuna's concerned arm and gone to her room, citing that she was tired – a lie, since Yuna could clearly hear her crying through the doorway – and not come out for two days. When she did come out, her face was still white, and she didn't eat anything for at least another two days after that. Finally, she got her to drink some tea, sip by sip, at the bar.

"Come on, Rikku, you have to eat something. Please? For me?"

"I'm not hungry, Yunie."

There was a silence for a while before Yuna said hesitantly. "Rikku…I know it feels terrible, but…it's not the end of the world, you know?" Rikku stiffened, but did not say anything. Yuna took this as a signal to carry on. "There are worse things…And you've put yourself through this for so long…maybe it is time for you to move on."

Very slowly, Rikku turned to look at Yuna, her eyes narrowed with incredulity. "Don't you _dare _tell me that, Yuna," she hissed. "How can you even think of saying that? Did I tell you that your pain wasn't as real or as bad as you felt it was?"

"Well no, but I-"

"Did I ever tell you that there were worse things than having your heart broken?" she demanded.

"No, you didn't-"

"And did I _once _suggest to you that it was time for you to move on?"

Yuna had the good grace to look ashamed. "No, you didn't. I'm sorry, Rikku, I just-"

"Don't 'just' anything," Rikku interrupted, her expression still thunderous. "You lost the love of your life, and I stood by you through everything. _Everything. _And now you don't care enough to do that same? Well screw you then."

With that, the blonde turned and prepared to stalk from the cabin, knowing that she would regret her harsh words, that Yuna didn't really deserve them, and that any minute now she'd start crying again. She didn't quite make it to the door before Yuna caught up with her, and pulled her into a hug. "I'm sorry, Rikku. I shouldn't have said that. Forgive me?"

Rikku bit her trembling bottom lip and nodded slightly. "I know, Yunie," she murmured. "I know you were only trying to help…" With a huge effort of will, she forced the tears back. She wouldn't let this destroy her. It was exactly what Giia wanted. "Thanks, Yuna. But I'm kinda tired. I…haven't really slept well."

Yuna nodded understandingly. "Ok. Why don't you go sleep for a while. I'll wake you for something to eat later?"

Rikku nodded wearily, too tired to fight back anymore. She just felt drained. "Sure."

She did manage to get some sleep, but as she expected it would be, her slumber was filled with splinters of Auron, looking right through her as though she were nothing, and Giia, laughing as he turned contemptuously away from Rikku. Every time his face appeared in her dreams, she jolted awake, tears already on her cheeks and the sheets soaked in cold sweat. As the dark circles began to build around her eyes, Yuna got more and more concerned about her younger cousin; but every time she asked, she was assured that Rikku was fine, and that there really was no need to worry. Which of course only served to worry her more. But after a week of Rikku refusing help, Yuna agreed with Tidus and concluded that there was nothing else she could do, and that Rikku was right. She would be better off in Besaid.

---

Once Yuna was gone, Rikku decided that something had to be done to fill her hours. Since she was a Gullwing, after all, going on sphere hunts seemed the obvious solution. Any concerns that Buddy or Brother might have had about her not being strong enough to stand up against fiends by herself was quickly dispelled after she'd beaten them both in battle within thirty seconds. She could handle herself, and the Gullwings were getting low on funds anyway. It wasn't like airship fuel was cheap, even if Cid did give them a family discount. And it worked out well – the sphere locator did its job as well as it always had. Buddy navigated, Brother piloted, Rikku found and Shinra decoded spheres in record numbers. Thankfully, in the next six weeks, she did not meet any of Giia's group – who, unbeknownst to her, had also been training to push up their strength – so didn't have to face the fact that Auron was no longer hers to claim. _Not that he ever was_, she thought miserably. Despite the fact that she hadn't seen him in so long, it didn't stop her heart from relentlessly poking at her mind whenever she was lucky enough to find peace. It was a shame blowing your brains out meant death, or she'd have done that long ago.

The event that changed all that, indeed, changed her life forever, was on a perfectly unremarkable day, on a perfectly unremarkable afternoon, on a perfectly unremarkable sphere hunt.

She was polishing her sword – from the Samurai dressphere, and trying (and failing) not to think of Auron – when Buddy's voice came over the radio. "Hey, Rikku, we got sphere waves coming off the Gagazet Ruins. Looks like an important one."

Rikku frowned and made her way up to the bridge. "Tet fa hud kad ymm dra uhac vnus Gagazet?" she asked (Did we not get all the ones from Gagazet?)

Buddy shrugged. "Ybbynahdmo hud. Oui ib vun ed?" (Apparently not. You up for it?)

She grinned. "Ynah'd E ymfyoc? Mad'c ku!" (Aren't I always? Let's go!)

At this, Brother interrupted, looking highly disgruntled. "Rao, rao, rao! E keja dra untanc!" (Hey, hey, hey! I give the orders!) He paused as if deep in thought. Rikku rolled her eyes, knowing that Brother wasn't capable of deep thought if his life depended on it. Finally he nodded in what she was sure he thought was a majestic fashion. "Yht, E ryja taletat...dryd fa crymm ku!" (And, I have decided…that we shall go!)

He revved the engines, and the _Celsius _sped off toward the holy mountain. Less than an hour later, Rikku stepped off the ramp and was climbing up to the Ronso settlement. For some reason the fog at the summit was too thick for the _Celsius _to get too close. She was greeted by Thali, one of the female Ronso – and one who had taken quite a shine to Kimahri, Rikku thought. "Friend Rikku," she greeted, bowing.

Rikku smiled a little nervously. It was hard not to feel a bit shy when you were around people who were six feet taller than you and blue. "Uh, hi, Thali. How are you?"

"Thali is well. What brings Rikku to sacred mountain?"

"Well, there's this sphere up on the summit that I want to look for with the Elder's permission?" she asked.

Thali bowed her head. "Of course. Rikku is friend to Elder Kimahri – is friend to all of Ronso. Rikku need guide?"

She grinned. "Thanks but no thanks! I'm sure I can manage!"

The Ronso bowed again and then let Rikku on her way. Within two minutes she was reminded why the Al Bhed lived in a desert. Snow was pretty, but it was _ridiculously _cold. Seriously. And her miniskirt and bikini top did not provide much protection against the elements. She switched to her white mage dress sphere simply to keep warm, and luckily didn't meet any fiends coming the other way.

Her luck, however, did not last long.

On the second from last bend, she was confronted by no less than a dozen people – all of whom she recognised as Giia's henchmen and women. "Shit."

Rikku was strong – but after knocking out eight of the twelve, she didn't remain so for long. Finally, with only two goons left standing, Rikku was forced to her knees, and one of the goons radioed in to their leader while Rikku was fighting to stay conscious. "Boss? We got one of the Gullwings here."

"Which one?" came Giia's voice, absurdly over-excited.

"The blonde one, what's-her-face…Rikka?"

"It's _Rikku_, moron," Rikku muttered. She received a kick in the stomach for her efforts.

"Shut up, bitch. What do you want us to do with her, boss?"

"Bring her to me, quickly. Oh, and keep her alive."

The other goon snorted and tossed a potion at Rikku, who uncorked it and drained it in one swallow, uncaring of where it had come from. A potion was a potion, after all. When she felt strong enough to stand, the two lackeys grabbed her roughly and began dragging her up the mountain. It wasn't long before the rest of Giia's camp came into view, with the woman herself standing in front of the largest tent, looking smug. "Hello, Princess."

"Giia," Rikku ground out, glad that at least Auron was not around to see her humiliation.

"I find myself in somewhat of a dilemma, you know, Rikku," Giia carried on conversationally. "On the one hand, I could kill you now – which I'm _sure _I would enjoy doing – or I could have you eternally in my debt…now…which would I prefer…"

"Believe me, Giia, even if by some miracle you've developed a soul and do let me go, there's no way I'd ever consider myself to be in your debt."

"No?" She disappeared into the tent for a few seconds, then came back out again, bearing something red. She threw it at Rikku, who reflexively caught it. Immediately, she became aware of two things; first, that she was holding _Auron's _coat, and second, that it was red not only in colour, but also because it was soaked in blood. Her head snapped up to look at Giia again. "What the hell did you do to him?!" she demanded.

"_I _didn't do anything. The oaf decided to be _noble _and to save me from being eaten by a large pack of snow wolves. He's rather badly injured, you know," she said conversationally.

"I swear, I'm going to kill you," Rikku snarled, struggling against her captors, who tightened their hold.

Giia laughed. "Now, now, don't you think you should listen to my generous offer? I'm going to let you _heal _him, and in exchange you're going to _promise_ me that you'll _never _tell him."

"I'm going to fucking crow it from the rooftops what kind of bitch you are," Rikku returned.

The other woman's face went ugly, and she stepped forward, slapping Rikku hard. The blonde clenched her jaw and glared, not saying anything. Giia continued, taking a deep breath and calming herself. "Then he'll die. We none of us have the skill to heal him, and I'm afraid he hasn't got long."

"I can heal him!" Rikku declared passionately.

"Then promise me."

Desperately, Rikku used three precious seconds trying to think of a way out. There wasn't one, and her only option was terrifyingly clear – she could not let Auron die. Looking down, she nodded. "I promise."

Giia gripped her chin. "Properly."

"I swear on the blood of my people that I will not tell Auron that I healed him," she spat, hating herself for every word.

"Nor will you let anyone else tell him," Giia demanded.

"Nor will I let anyone else tell him," Rikku repeated.

Looking more than satisfied with herself, Giia released her. "Then follow me."

She followed Giia into the tent. At the entrance, she stopped dead. "Oh my gods," she whispered.

**A/N: I do like my cliffhangers, don't I? :D Review!**


	14. The Heart Pact

**A/N: Thank you for the great response! Also a few people pointed out that this is Auron and he wouldn't be overcome by some simple snow wolves – and you're probably right, you are. Let's face it, he would have just Bushido'd them off Gagazet. And I could be wrong but I think they are on Gagazet, at the very bottom, anyway. To be fair blame the fiend location list I found on the internet lol. **

**Can you suspend your disbelief for a while? Just until Rikku's done?**

**Chapter Fourteen**

Auron was lying within the tent, unconscious, his face pale, his breathing shallow, and a huge gash stretching down his chest, and clearly very deep. There was so much _blood_. Within a fraction of a second, she was inside the tent, kneeling at his side. "What the hell have you done to him?" she demanded again, pulling out all the potions and elixirs she had on her.

"I didn't do anything!" Giia snapped. "He just jumped in front of me when loads of fiends attacked, I told you."

Rikku tried to remind herself that he'd done stupidly-heroic things like that for everyone on the Pilgrimage, and that it didn't mean he sacrificed himself for Giia. _He would have done that for anyone. _She continued her examination to find the extent of his injuries, then found the worst when she tried to take his pulse. It was slow, erratic and weak. He had mere minutes to live. The wound had done some serious damage – he was bleeding a lot, both externally and internally. She called up Curaga and cast it. Nothing happened, not even a slight knitting of his flesh. _Shit. _The next thing she tried was an Elixir – again, nothing. Not even Phoenix Downs worked.

By this time, Rikku was desperate. Nothing she had in her arsenal, and no ordinary magic she knew would work. So she had to try some _extra_ordinary magic.

"There's only one thing that'll work," she muttered, more to herself than Giia. But she knew that it would cost her everything. Her love, her chance of happiness, her very existence. She reached out a trembling hand and laid her palm over his heart.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Giia snapped, throwing her hand off.

"Do you want him to live?" Rikku demanded. "There's only one spell now, and as you don't know how to perform it, it falls to me." Giia scowled. Rikku, aware that every shallow breath Auron took brought his last closer, wasn't in the mood for hesitation. "He'll die without it, Giia! I know you hate me, but leave him out of whatever game you want to play!"

"Fine. Do it."

She took a deep breath, put her hand back on his chest and began whispering the spell under her breath. Once it was started, her body seemed to take over, drawing energy and magic from some place so deep within her she'd never known it existed. The spell finished, she opened her eyes and waited. Nothing happened for at least five seconds.

"Ha! I knew you were pathetic as a white mage," Giia scoffed. Rikku didn't hear what else she said, because at that moment a sensation akin to an iron fist punching through her ribcage and tearing her heart out passed through her in a burst of light that filled the tent. She blacked out with the pain for a few seconds, falling forward onto Auron's prone body. Then she snapped awake, hearing the slow, steady beat under his skin. Her heart. It had worked then. She'd made a heart-pact. She put a hand to her chest, a cold and sore patch stinging every time she took a breath.

"Is that it? Is it done?" Giia demanded.

Rikku turned to deliver a scorching, pain-filled glare with her spiralled eyes at the other woman. "It's done. He'll be awake soon, but-" Both women turned to gaze at Auron when he stirred, but didn't wake up. She carried on. "It would be better that I could check he's alright once he's conscious-"

"Oh, no way." Giia leaned forward a bit, a vicious smile on her face. "You're going right now, and he won't ever know you were here. A promise is something that you can't break, remember?"

"So you're willing to put his life at risk?" Rikku demanded.

"If you've done your job properly, then there's no risk, is there?" She called to her lackeys. "Take her to the summit and…" She went outside the tent, speaking so quietly that Rikku couldn't hear her. She had a nasty feeling the words 'kill her' were involved though. She took advantage of Giia's momentary absence to take what would probably be the last look at Auron she'd ever have. She gave a sad smile and smoothed some silver-streaked hair from his brow. "Now I'm less than I appear," she whispered, tears beginning to threaten. _No. I will not give Giia the satisfaction. _She heard footsteps from outside, and quickly bent and pressed her lips to his softly, then got up before the tent flap opened. "Giia…keep him out of this. This is our battle; don't use him as a pawn."

"Oh, I won't," she replied in a way that made Rikku very uneasy. "Not a pawn; I think he'll be the most powerful weapon I have against you. These little parleys might have worked with LeBlanc, bitch, but they won't work with me. Auron is mine now, and I'm going to use him any way I want."

"You don't give a shit about him!"

"No. But you do. And that's why, from now on, I'm going to be the most loving and devoted future wife of a Legendary Guardian you've ever met. Get her out of here!"

About half a dozen of her thugs appeared, grabbed hold of Rikku and hit her on the back of the head with something heavy. The last thing she saw before the world went black was Giia, bending over the man she loved; the man she'd just given up her life for.

---

Amazingly, she didn't wake up dead. _If I was dead I wouldn't have woken up at all, stupid. _It looked as though Giia's lackeys had just dumped her at the top of Gagazet. She sighed and sat up, rubbing the back of her head. "Now what?" she asked the general atmosphere. Then her face slowly crumpled, and she sat there, knowing there was no-one else up here, and bawled. Loud, wracking sobs burst from her, and she wasn't the mature, saved-the-world-twice adult anymore. She was six years old again, and she was scared, and alone, and there was no-one who could comfort her. The knowledge that there never would be again hit her like a punch in her stomach, knocking the breath from her lungs. _What have I done?_

Her heart – _ha!_ – gave her the answer. _What I had to. He's alive. That's all that matters. _She took slow, deep breaths and then reached for her com-link. "_Celsius, _come in." She sniffed, swallowing her tears.

"Rikku? Where in Spira are you?" Brother's voice demanded.

"At the summit. Come pick me up, 'kay?"

"You find anything?" Buddy asked.

She was quiet for a moment. "No." She put the com-link back. "But I lost something."

**A/N: So, now you know what a heart pact is. Let me know if you liked the idea!**


	15. Happy Birthday, Rikku

**A/N: Hey, sorry it took me so long! No answers quite yet, but soon, I promise.**

**Chapter Fifteen**

The next three months passed more slowly than Rikku wanted. No matter what she did, nothing gave her a rush. Hunting spheres, killing fiends, laughing with her friends. Nothing. Not that they were around a whole lot anyway. She still _felt_ things, just with less intensity. She only got a little bit sad, or a little bit happy. Brother, for the first time in his life, found himself winning their arguments, simply because Rikku couldn't summon a whole lot of anger to fight with. Yuna put it down to heartache, and decided that it would get better if left alone. When that didn't happen, she decided that she needed to repay a favour, and spend two years – if she had to – incessantly trying to cheer Rikku up. Tidus became an honorary Gullwing as he and Yuna joined Rikku on the _Celsius _for a while.

They found a few more spheres, went on a few more fiend hunts. Didn't uncover anymore threats to the existence of Spira, much to Rikku's annoyance, since at least the idea of global destruction might have proved distracting. She appreciated Yuna's sentiment, she really did, but being a third wheel wasn't fun by anybody's standards. Or, more like a fifth wheel when Paine and Baralai were around. It was only a couple of weeks since she'd healed Auron when the news came – he was engaged. Rikku took the news like a physical blow, because it _felt _like one. The hole where her heart should have been ached with a life-sapping pain that made her feel weak and lethargic for days. When Yuna told her, it was in a very gentle, quiet voice like made Rikku feel like she was suffering from a terminal illness. Yuna couldn't have known how accurate she was, though she got very concerned when all the colour drained from her cousin's face and left her a ghastly shade of grey. But Rikku only nodded. "Ok."

"Ok? Is that all you're going to say?"

"What else do I say, Yuna?"

"Well…I…" Her shoulders slumped. Rikku was right. There wasn't anything she could say. "Are you alright?"

Rikku only looked at her, heartbreak evident in her swirly green eyes, and shrugged. "No. But then you knew that."

"Rikku-"

"Thank you for telling me, Yuna. I think I'm going to bed."

She left without another word, and Yuna could only stare helplessly at the midday sun outside the window, and mourn for her younger cousin. For herself, Rikku was quite proud. She didn't cry. She didn't storm at the sky or yell at her Brother. She didn't even drink. She figured it was sake that had caused all this mess to begin with, so she was better off staying away from it. It wasn't so hard really. She just kept reminding herself that if she got drunk, she'd wind up in bed with Gippal – with or without sex – and have to deal with another potentially disastrous situation in the morning.

_Despite things being about as disasteriffic that they're going to get. _Besides, she'd fucked Gippal around long enough.

No, she'd got herself into this situation, and she had to get herself out.

One problem.

There was no way out.

It wasn't until her nineteenth birthday that she started drinking again. Mainly because everyone forgot it. She couldn't really blame them. Tidus had been gone for the past three and a bit years, so he couldn't be expected to know when Rikku's birthday was. Her father was busy, as the reopening of Home coincided with her birthday, so that meant Brother, Buddy, Shinra and Gippal were off the list. As was pretty much everyone else she knew, since they were all invited to the ceremony. Added to which, Tidus had chosen that day to propose to Yuna. Turned out when he'd disappeared in Luca it had been to go buy the ring. So yay for the High Summoner. Rikku tried to be angry that people had forgotten it. That lasted until about nine in the morning. Then she tried to be upset. That lasted until eleven in the morning. Next it was happy for Yuna. That lasted longer than the others – she remained happy until about four in the afternoon with that one. Then it left her again. All emotions were transient to her now.

By the time six pm rolled around, she was numb, as was normal now. It was her birthday, no-one knew, her cousin was engaged and going to be married, while the love of _her_ life was marrying someone else. All good reasons to get drunk in Rikku's eyes. But hey, new Home meant new bars for her to go drink in. Midnight was officially when all the fireworks and stuff would start, and light up Bikanel like it hadn't been illuminated since Sin was vanquished. Cid was of course holding his own private party that started at eight, invitation only. Family, the Legendary Guardians of course. Rikku wasn't going. Legendary Guardians included the most legendary one of all of them. With fiancée in tow. Rikku didn't think – _knew _– she didn't have the strength to face Giia. So she was going to a bar.

As was normal in an Al Bhed society, the more upscale bars and clubs were in the centre, and the closer to the desert you went, the seedier and the quieter things got. Even in a brand new city, there were still places where a young, attractive woman wouldn't want to be found alone. However, being probably the strongest Al Bhed woman in Home, Rikku wasn't worried. She just wanted to find a bar where the alcohol was cheap and she could remove all memory of the fact that it was her birthday. She eventually found one – a place that looked and smelled twenty years old, and took a seat at the bar. "Sake please." She drew out a fifty Gil note. "And you can leave the bottle."

She knew there was no danger of anyone finding her out here, so she took and sipped at her sake slowly. She was only on her twentieth cup when the doors opened again, about four hours later. She'd forgotten how good sake tasted, how wonderful that delicious little burn down her throat was. She knew that if she stood up she'd get that euphoric floating feeling, but she wasn't quite ready to trust her legs just yet. The only thing that altered her to the fact that the door was open was the warm breeze that skittered around her bare legs. She didn't look around as heavy, slow footsteps crossed the floor. If she'd been just a little less drunk then she probably would have recognised them.

"Happy Birthday, Rikku."

It was a mark of how numb she was that she didn't even care that he was here. It didn't seem real. "Thanks," she said quietly.

Auron sat on a barstool next to her and took the sake cup from her fingers, poured himself a drink and drained it in one. "Why aren't you with Yuna?"

She snorted. "Why aren't you with Giia?"

"She's not here."

"Huh. Guess she didn't want to face a city full of people who'd kick her ass first chance they got."

Auron sent her a sideways glare that was still enough to make her cringe inwardly. "Rikku, that's my fiancée you're talking about."

Rikku refused to feel guilty. Giia was the worst kind of person. Given a choice between Giia and Seymour, she'd go Guado any day. Not that she could tell Auron that. "I know. Yuna told me," she said shortly.

They sat in silence for a while before he spoke again. "So you chose to come get drunk alone, on your birthday?"

"Yep. More fun that way."

"Why?"

"No-one remembered. Not even my father knows it's my birthday today." She drank another cup in her self pity. "How'd you know I'd be here?"

"When you weren't at the party I knew you'd be in a bar somewhere. It was just a matter of finding which bar."

"I seem to remember…spending my sixteenth birthday with you as well."

"Yes."

"Persuading you to let me customise your weapon."

"Yes."

"And you let me. Because it was my birthday."

"Yes."

She tried for a smile. "Nothing left for me to do now, is there?" It came out more bitter than she'd meant it to.

"Of course there is."

"Really? What? Is Spira in danger? Are there any fiends left that it'll be a challenge to defeat?"

"You could always help here. Your father will need an heir to run this place once he retires."

"Yeah, I can really see myself in _politics_."

He gave that short, sardonic laugh. "Not politics then."

"Maybe I should try resurrecting Sin. Give me something to do then at least." She sighed, then felt stupid and foolish for even suggesting it. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that."

"I know."

"I should go."

"Where?"

"Away. Anywhere." She tried to get up, but her unsteady legs and the grip on her arm stopped her from standing.

"You'll probably wander into the desert," he pointed out.

"I grew up on this island!" she protested. "I know my vilgehk way around."

"Not drunk you don't. Sit down," he said, his tone brooking no argument.

"You're not the boss of me!"

"Rikku."

She sighed and slumped back down in her seat. "Fine." Another pause. "Auron?"

"Yes?"

"Give me your wrist for a sec."

He raised an eyebrow, but gave her his arm. She put two fingers to his wrist, immediately finding the strong pulse. "Huh."

"What?"

"Nothing," she said. Then she paused. "Don't take this the wrong way, but…why'd the fayth send you back?"

"That's something you'd have to ask them."

"You don't even have an…" A pause while she tried to get her alcohol-addled brain to think of the right word. "…inkling as to why?"

"When I asked Bahamut, he just said 'you'll see'."

Rikku snorted again. "Fucking fayth. Think they're _soooo_ much higher than we are."

"They are," he pointed out.

"Not the point," she said emphatically, poking his arm with each word. "The point _is _you must have _some_ idea."

"Well…I met Giia that night, so that's something."

It was a few seconds before Rikku worked out what he meant. Then she burst out laughing. She couldn't help it. The idea of the fayth sending Auron back so he could meet Giia was utterly ridiculous. "You think they sent you back for _Giia_?! Oh my gods that's the most ludicrous thing I've ever heard!" All her laughing overbalanced her, and she ended up on her ass, still laughing uncontrollably. "You're so _stupid_ sometimes, Auron!"

Clenching his teeth, and reminding himself that she was very, very drunk, Auron grabbed hold of one forearm and hauled her to her feet. "And you are drunk."

She stood, shaking him off her and tossing her blonde hair back, her face now as serious as he'd ever seen it. "Yes. But still sober enough to know that you're a good man. One of the best. And the best aren't destined to be with people like Giia."

She turned to stumble from the bar. "Rikku!" His voice held anger now – and he was angry, it was coming off him like toxic smoke.

She stopped, but didn't turn around. "I hope you don't mind, Auron, but I'm fairly certain I hate Giia. I wouldn't bother asking me to be a bridesmaid," she added with another bitter smile, glad that he couldn't see her tears. She was gone surprisingly quickly, in an almost straight line.

**A/N: We're getting closer to the crescendo now! And your answers, but not quite yet. Review please!  
**


	16. Happy In My Misery

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews! And no, no answers yet! **

**Chapter Sixteen**

She didn't remember getting back to the _Celsius, _but as she woke up there – with a completely splitting headache – she figured that she'd gotten there somehow. She did, however remember Auron finding her in a bar. "Cred," she groaned, then groaned again at how loud her voice was. _Great. Just what I needed to make things worse. Well at least I won't have to worry about ruining his wedding by keeling over in the middle of it now._ From the lack of motion and noise, she thought that they probably hadn't left Bikanel yet. Stumbling to her bathroom with her hand over her eyes, she took a cool shower, which helped a lot with the hangover, and then dressed, leaving her hair to dry in the heat. Next on the list: hangover cure.

She made her way to the cabin, where Barkeep was standing in his normal spot. "Misshh Rikku. What can I doo for yoo?"

"Prairie Oyster," she managed to mumble.

Barkeep said nothing about the fact that he hadn't had to make Rikku's hangover cure in a while, and simply got out a glass, an egg, some Worcestershire sauce and some salt and pepper. Working quickly and with practised efficiency, he cracked the egg into the glass and added the other ingredients. "There yoo go."

"Thanks." She picked up the glass and tossed it back, swallowing the whole thing quickly and with a grimace at the sliminess of it. Still, it was the only thing that worked in her varied and detailed experience with hangovers, and the fayth knew she needed it now. Once it was gone, she drained another two glasses of water and sighed, waiting for the pounding in her head to ease. The door to the cabin opened again, and a yawning Tidus stepped through it.

"Mornin' Rikku," he said.

"Unhhh," she groaned, waving in his vague direction.

"Hey, where were you last night?" he enquired, plopping down next to her and sipping at the coffee Barkeep placed in front of him.

"A bar," she answered shortly.

"Why? There was loads of booze at your dad's party."

"I know. I just…didn't feel like being around loads of people."

He didn't look fooled. "'Loads of people' in this case meaning Auron."

"I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to. Giia wasn't even there, you know," he said.

"I know."

"You know?"

"Yes. Auron found me," she said heavily.

"Really? He didn't say anything."

"He's not real big on words, in case you haven't noticed."

"Something else you seem to have in common lately," he commented dryly.

She sighed. "We, sort of…had an argument. Or, more accurately, I shouted at him."

"About what?"

"What else?"

"You shouted at him about Giia?"

"Yup," she confirmed, feeling that she needed more alcohol.

He looked totally stunned for a moment. "What did you say, 'Giia's a bitch who doesn't love you and you should be marrying me instead'?"

"…not in so many words."

"Shit, Rikku, I didn't think you'd actually tell him."

"Well I didn't. I mean, I didn't tell him he should be marrying me."

"But you did tell him Giia is a bitch."

"…um…I _think _so, yeah."

"You _think_?"

"Hey, I was very drunk. Not my fault I can't remember exactly what happened."

He sighed. "So you burnt the bridge, huh?"

"Technically you can't burn a bridge that doesn't exist."

"It had to have done once though, right?" he asked gently.

"Yeah, before the Calm and before the 'oh right, did I not tell you, Rikku, I'm dead' thing, and before he thought I was sleeping with Gippal – which I sort of was, in the _literal _sense rather than the sex way, and then before my biggest rival made me swear that I wouldn't tell him what she's really like, and then of course he's _marrying _her, and I'm-"

"Rikku, Rikku, stop."

She did, now on the verge of tears. "I just…I needed him for so _long_, you know? And now what? He's here, and we're just going to be strangers from now on?" _If only until I die. _"It's just so…unfair."

"Yeah." He shook his head slightly, as if trying to work out something. "Sorry, Rikku, remind me _why _you can't tell him you were the one who healed him?"

"I promised. If I break my word it makes me no better than Giia."

"I understand you don't like breaking promises, Rikku, but-"

"It's not a question of not liking it, Tidus. It's a sacred bond. It'd be like Wakka spitting on Maester Mika five years ago. It's just not going to happen."

He sighed. "Well…that's your choice, I guess. But it's not going to make you happy," he said simply.

She nodded and smiled, still staring at the bar. "I know. But at this point my happiness doesn't matter."

There was a silence for a moment, before Tidus picked up the coffee he'd ordered to take to Yuna and leaned over. He kissed Rikku's cheek and put a hand on her shoulder. "We're all here."

"I know." _Even if I won't be for much longer. _"Thanks."

When Yuna woke up from her sleep, with a slight hangover, she had to admit, she stretched out her arm to feel around for her fiancé. When she didn't find him, she raised her head, frowning. "Tidus?" she asked.

Not ten seconds later, said fiancé walked into the room, carrying a steaming cup of coffee. "Hey, where were you?" she asked.

He smiled and set the cup down, then sat on the bed, tucking a stand of hair behind her ear. He lifted her chin and place a light kiss on her lips. "And good morning to you too, beautiful."

She grinned shyly. "Sorry. Morning."

"I went to get you some coffee. Thought you might need it."

She sipped gratefully. "Thanks."

He nodded thoughtfully, falling into uncharacteristic silence. "I ran into Rikku in the cabin."

"Is she ok?"

He shook his head. "Not really. But I get the impression she hasn't been for a while. I think yesterday was just a really bad day in a string of bad days."

At this, Yuna slapped a hand to her forehead. "Oh gods! Rikku!"

Tidus blinked. "What about her?"

"It was her birthday yesterday!" Yuna wailed. "And I totally forgot! Oh what kind of a cousin am I?!" Frantically, she leapt out of bed and began pulling on clothes, not heeding the fact that her hot pants were on backwards.

Tidus took her hands. "Yuna, slow down. If Rikku didn't say anything, how were you supposed to know?"

"I don't know! But I should have done, it's my job to know these kinds of things!" Now dressed (sort of), she rushed out of their room and ran toward the elevator. When the doors hissed open again, Rikku was thankfully still where Tidus had left her, stirring endless amounts of sugar into a cup of coffee without drinking it. She barely had time to look up before Yuna had enveloped her in a hug. "Rikku!"

"Yunie? Are you ok?" she stammered, patting her cousin gingerly on the back.

"Am I ok? Are you ok? I'm so so sorry – I'm such a terrible person, I'm so so so so _so _sorry, Rikku!"

Completely bewildered, Rikku looked at Yuna's stricken face. "For what?"

"For forgetting about your birthday of course!" she cried.

"Oh. That. Don't worry about it," she said, immediately letting go of Yuna. "It's no big."

Yuna frowned at how cold Rikku's voice sounded. "But you're upset," she said uncertainly.

"No, I'm not. I told you, it's not a big deal – I'm not fussed. I didn't tell anyone, and no-one else remembered. Can't hold it against you."

Yuna looked at her, aghast. "Rikku, surely _someone _remembered – what about Uncle Cid?"

She shook her head. "No," she replied quietly. "I did see Auron. He remembered."

Yuna took the seat next to her. "Rikku…"

"Yes?" she asked, staring into her coffee cup and liking that the liquid inside was the same shade of brown as Auron's eye.

"I understand that your promise is sacred, but surely you have to see there's no honour in this. If you broke it you would have no reason to be ashamed."

Silence.

"But there's one thing I don't get – what are you hoping is going to happen?" Yuna asked, her voice rising, just a little. "It's not like Giia is going to tell him. She's a bitch, Rikku, you know that! There's no way she feels anything for Sir Auron, and he definitely doesn't-"

"You don't know that," Rikku said quietly.

"You don't know he does," Yuna returned somewhat fiercely.

"He's engaged, Yuna."

"So? Do you honestly think that he's told her he loves her?"

_Well, I know he hasn't, _Rikku thought. But she couldn't tell Yuna how she knew. "I don't know," she said instead quietly.

"Then why in the Farplane's name can't you?" Yuna demanded.

"I've just told you," she said, never raising her voice or her head to look her cousin in the eye.

_That's it. _"Rikku, either you tell him, or I will," Yuna said firmly.

"No! Yuna, you can't!"

"Why the fuck not?!" Yuna exploded, for once losing her temper.

Rikku snapped like a brittle twig. "Everything's so easy for you, isn't it? The great High Summoner, you've got such a clear-cut version of right and wrong, you don't see it! My choices aren't that easy, Yuna! And yes, I made a choice that I'm not proud of, and maybe it wasn't what you would have done, but I'm not like you! If it means that Auron is ignorant about me healing him, then fine!"

"Then maybe you and Giia aren't as unlike as you want to pretend!" Yuna said in her anger.

"We are _nothing _alike!"

"No? Why not, Rikku?"

"Because I'd rather lose him to the truth than keep him with a lie, that's why!"

"But you've lost him to this lie! He's getting married in three days!"

She stopped dead, echoing what her heart would have done if still inside her chest. Before there'd always been a chance that Giia might actually turn into a decent human being and tell Auron the truth. Apparently not. Then she just carried on. "Then I wish him happiness."

"Rikku, I don't want to see you miserable your entire life because you didn't tell him the truth," Yuna said, her expression beseeching.

"I promised I wouldn't. You know I can't break that."

"But you love him!"

She spun around to face Yuna. "I know I do, and that's exactly why I can't ruin his life! Yunie, please don't make me go."

"Fine," she sighed. "But we're all going. And he's not stupid, he's going to know something is wrong when you don't turn up."

"Yeah, he'll think that I don't like Giia, which is true, so no harm done. Yunie, I'm happy in my misery, ok? One day not too far away, I'll probably marry Gippal and everyone gets a happy ending to their stories. The end."

"Rikku…"

Rikku straightened her scarf and walked past Yuna. "I'll get Brother to drop you off back at Besaid, Yunie."

"Rikku…"

"If you'll excuse me." She walked past her and headed to one of the bathrooms off the cabin. Then she cried. Despite what she'd just said, she wouldn't marry Gippal. She'd never marry anyone now. The moment Auron said 'I do', that'd be it.

**A/N: Ideas on a postcard please as to what 'it' means! Or, you know, review. Either one lol.**


	17. The Fateful Day

**A/N: I have your answers! Sadly no answers for Auron yet – since I seem to love torturing my characters almost as much as I do you lovely readers!**

**Chapter Seventeen**

When, three days later, the fateful day arrived, the _Celsius _flew to Besaid to pick up the wedding guests. They'd already been to Bevelle, to collect Paine, and next on the list were Tidus, Yuna, and Wakka. Then it was to Gagazet where Kimahri would join them, and finally to Djose temple, where the wedding was to be held. Once she boarded, Yuna greeted Paine enthusiastically; the two girls hadn't seen each other in weeks, and communication through Commsphere wasn't the same as face to face. She embraced the silver-headed girl. "Oh Paine, I missed you so much!"

Paine, as uncomfortable as always with hugs, patted Yuna gingerly on the back. "Uh, missed you too, Yuna."

The High Summoner received hugs from everyone save one person, and they set off for Gagazet.

When Yuna turned to greet her cousin, however, Rikku gave her only a cold nod and not even the semblance of a smile. With some prodding and prompting from her fiancé, Yuna made her way over. "Hey, Rikku."

"Yuna," she said emotionlessly.

She hadn't meant to, but somehow she couldn't help herself, and the words came tumbling out anyway. "Rikku, please think about this! It's still not too late, you can still-"

Rikku threw her hands up. "You couldn't leave well enough alone, could you? I said _no_! I'm sorry if that's something my lady High Summoner is unable to understand, but for the last time, Yuna, _leave me alone_!" With that, she stormed away from Yuna, and then a few moments afterward, when attention had moved on, she left the bridge altogether. In truth, she had been meaning to leave anyway – it was necessary to her plan – but Yuna's words had given her the impetus to do so now. It wasn't until they'd gotten to Gagazet and Kimahri was on board that Yuna even noticed Rikku was gone.

"Where's Rikku?"

"She was in the engine room last I saw her," Buddy said helpfully. "But she said something about cleaning up before we got to Djose."

"Oh right, ok," she said, still not moving.

Tidus smiled. "Yuna, go see her. I'm sure she's not still mad at you."

"You don't know that," she said. "What if-"

He kissed her forehead. "This is Rikku we're talking about. She's incapable of holding grudges."

"Hey, Yuna, if Rikku's not here, I need you as co-pilot," Brother piped up, ignoring the fact that Buddy could do the job perfectly well.

She nodded. "I won't be too long, I just wanna check she's ok." Making her way through the ship, she battled her nervousness all the way. Granted, Tidus was right, and normally Rikku _wasn't _the type to hold grudges, but since this whole thing with Giia, Rikku's temper had been getting shorter with each passing day. Outside her door, Yuna paused. _Come on, Yuna, grow a backbone. _She took a deep breath and keyed open the door. "Rikku, I know you-"

Rikku wasn't there, and Yuna guessed she was still in the engine room. She sighed, then walked inside anyway, figuring she'd just wait. Frowning, she noticed a letter sitting on Rikku's desk. It was addressed to her. "What the-" She picked it up and began to tear the envelope open.

Then the door opened again and Tidus came in. "Hey, Yuna, come on. We're gonna be late."

"Yeah, I'm coming. Just wanted to try and convince Rikku one more time."

He shrugged. "You've done all you can, Yuna. It's up to Rikku now."

"I guess…" Yuna sighed. "Just doesn't seem fair."

He put an arm around her shoulders and kissed her cheek. "Come on."

She put the letter inside her clothes and walked up to the bridge with him. The _Celsius _took off smoothly, none of its passengers knowing that a nineteen year old blonde Al Bhed girl was watching them go, saying goodbye in her heart to everyone on board.

It would be about another hour till they got to Djose, so everyone did their own thing on the way. They'd probably miss the start of the ceremony, but they didn't think Auron would mind if they turned up a little late. After Tidus and Wakka – Lulu at home with Vidina – got caught up in a heated discussion about blitzball, Yuna remembered the letter, then opened it and read it. Within thirty seconds, her mouth had dropped open in horror, and tears were welling up in her eyes.

Tidus happened to glance at her over Wakka's shoulder, and was at her side within seconds. "Yuna, what's wrong?"

She thrust the letter at him and ran to Brother. "We've got to go faster, Brother! Really, if we don't get to Djose within the next ten minutes, Rikku's going to die!"

"Huh? Yuna, you are not making any sense."

"Just GO!" she yelled.

Brother went.

Behind them, Tidus was reading Rikku's letter.

_Dear Yunie,_

_I don't know when you'll get this, but I'll be dead by the time you do, I guess. Please don't cry too much, and be happy with Tidus. I'm not killing myself or anything like that, but there isn't anything that can stop it now. My own stupid fault really. Remember how I said I promised Giia? Well…there's a bit more to it than that. When I got there, Auron was too badly hurt for anything to work, magic or machina. So I did the only thing I could do. I made a heart-pact. _

_I know what you're thinking, and yes they are real, and yes, all the bad things about them are real too. It really does hurt that much. Basically (for Tidus, because I know Yunie will let you read this too), I put my heart in him. Literally. We kind of…share it. Not that Auron knows he's the keeper of _our _heart. But he controls what happens to it. That's why I don't have a heartbeat, because it isn't there to beat. It was a stupid thing to do, but hey, I was in love. As you know, Yunie, now I'm fucked. There are three things that end the heart-pact, and they all result in my death. The first one is if he dies, I go too. The second is if he falls in love with someone else, and says it. The third is if he gets married. I know what you're thinking, but just because he hasn't told Giia he loves her doesn't mean he doesn't. Auron's not great with words. And it doesn't matter now anyway, because as soon as that ring is on Giia's finger, I'm going to die. I'm not really sure when, actually, probably before then. Please don't tell Auron why I'm dead, I don't want to hurt him. Don't blame him either; he never asked to have my heart, and I was too…naive, I guess, to understand why heart-pacts are forbidden. But hey, now I know. _

_That said, don't think that I regret it. Every second he's alive makes what I did worth it. If being in love means you get to die for that person, hey, I'm on a roll. I'm not saying don't grieve, but don't forget to live your life too. I've had as much of mine as I'm going to have, so go enjoy Spira for me. I guess the only thing left is goodbye. I've sent a letter like this one to Pops, and I'll give your love to your father for you when I get to the Farplane. But I don't want to see you there for a long time, you hear?_

_I love you all,_

_Rikku. _

There was a small, round water-stain just by where she'd signed her name. Tidus looked up from the letter. "Holy shit!"

Yuna gave him another terrified look and nodded. "We have to stop that wedding!"

"We do? I know Rikku's not Giia's best friend, but we can't just stop it because of that, ya?" Wakka said.

"Wakka, she's going to die!"

"We're gonna kill Giia? That just ain't right, ya!"

"Oh for the love of- Here, just _read _it."

"Uh, Yuna?" Tidus asked nervously. "What are we going to tell Auron? If we can't tell him about this…heart-pact thing, then what _do _we say?"

"I don't know!" she replied frantically. "I just know that unless we stop it, my cousin is going to _die_!"

---

Rikku sighed as she hauled herself through yet another snow-drift. She'd snuck off the ship as they picked up Kimahri, and she was determined to get to Zanarkand. The one and only place where she'd known what happiness really was. At sixteen she tasted paradise, and then it was snatched away. If she was going to die, she was going to do it as close to where Auron had kissed her as she could get – at the end of the Pilgrimage. Unfortunately it just required trekking over Gagazet to get there. She checked the time. "I'm not going to get there in ten minutes. Unless…" She was only five minutes away from the Fayth Scar. With its transporters. "So…"

Knowing her time was running out, Rikku began sprinting through the cold, then didn't stop once she got in the cave. She tore open the control panel of the transporter and inserted a chip into the mass of wiring inside. She'd been working on a modulation device for the transporter pads, to boost their range in case Brother's driving ever brought the _Celsius _down for real. Just as she tied two wires together, a sharp pain hit in the place where her heart used to be. "Oh no." She doubled over as it came again more strongly. "Would you just wait a second, Auron? Do you have to get married in the next thirty seconds?" Another pain, and the first tug of death. She crawled onto the platform.

"No. No fucking way. I'm…going to get to…Zanarkand…It's the last thing…I'll ever do." The cave disappeared and Zanarkand appeared, then almost went again as her vision blurred. Dimly, she knew that it had worked; she was standing in the Chamber of the Fayth, surrounded by the lovestruck monkeys that she'd helped put together. _At least none of the tourists are around to see me die._ The pain in her chest grew worse, despite the fact that there wasn't anything _to _hurt. "Auron…" All she got out was his name before the darkness swallowed her.

---

Yuna jumped down the ramp before the _Celsius_ had landed, with the others – who'd all now read Rikku's letter – only a few feet behind her. Djose Temple squatted in its normal site like a great evil structure that seemed to be laughing that it would be the one draining Rikku's life away. Yuna and Paine were in the front, and both women pushed desperately on the door until the heavy stone began to creak inwards. En masse, a High Summoner, two blitzball players, a warrior and a Ronso all rushed into the Temple.

Yuna's horror-widened eyes fell on the three people standing a little further in, at the bottom of the steps leading to the Trials. They all yelled "STOP!!" at the top of their lungs.

**A/N: I told ya, I LOVE cliffies!**


	18. Not A Honey Type Of Guy

**Chapter Eighteen**

"I don't know what kind of game you and that bitch are playing, but Auron is _mine, _understand? You lost, High Summoner. Accept that."

"You don't even love him," Yuna shot back. "You're going to spend the rest of your life with him just to get back at Rikku? That's pathetic."

Giia smiled smugly. "I don't intend to spend the rest of _my_ life with him. Just the rest of hers."

There was silence for a second, then Paine drew her sword. "You little-"

Yuna grabbed her arm. "Paine, don't. It won't help."

"Oh I really think it would," she growled, not letting go of the hilt of her blade.

Yuna's own hand was on the butt of her gun, but she didn't let go of her friend's arm. "It'll only sink us to her level. Rikku needs us."

"I wouldn't think she'll need you for all that long now. She hasn't got long to live after all." The gun came out of its holster, and got rammed underneath Giia's chin. A smirk formed on her face. "Go on. Do it. Let's see who he believes."

---

Auron was having a bad day. First of all, all of the people – save one – that he'd invited to his wedding had turned up late, bursting into the Temple actually trying to _stop _it. Then, they'd started yelling a mix of stuff about Rikku's life being in danger, but unless he was going deaf, they hadn't actually said why. He held his hands up. "Stop."

They all shut up, then started talking all at once again. "Shut up!" He pointed at Tidus. "You. Talk. Everyone else quiet."

Giia stood in front of him. "Honey, you're not actually going to _listen _to them, are you?"

"Giia, please, let me just sort out what they're actually saying." He hated it when she called him honey. He really wasn't a _honey _type of guy. Yuna and Paine pulled Giia away, and they started talking in low voices. He turned back to Tidus and Wakka. "Now what's this about Rikku?"

"She's going to die!"

"When? And…_how_?"

"Like right now if you carry on with this!"

"Carry on with what?" Auron asked, utterly confused.

"Getting married!"

"_What_?! How will me getting married kill Rikku?" He raised his eyebrows, a suspicion forming. "Wait, this is some stupid, made-up thing, isn't it?"

"No! She's literally going to die!"

"_How_?"

Tidus opened his mouth, but then stopped. "I can't tell you."

"I don't have time for this."

Wakka butted in. "No, it's real, brudda. Rikku's made-"

"_Wakka_! No!"

"What has she done?" Auron asked, still concerned even if they weren't making sense. "Is she in danger?"

"_Yes_."

"Because I'm getting married." He looked at them over the top of his glasses, still on even on his wedding day. "You realise that sounds-" He cut off when he saw where Yuna's gun was. "Yuna! What the hell are you doing?"

She jumped at the sound of his voice and removed it quickly. "Sorry, Sir Auron, but-"

"I don't care, Yuna! All of you, get out, I've had enough! I don't what you and Rikku think you're playing at, but neither do I care. Get out, right now!" They all looked incredibly disappointed, and left apart from Yuna, who paused at the doors.

"Sir Auron, I'm sorry for that," she said, throwing Giia a venomous look, "but it really is important that I speak with you."

He sighed; despite what she'd just done, it was difficult to deny his summoner anything. It was just bred into him now, even if she wasn't even a summoner anymore. "Fine. I'll talk to you later. At the Agency." She nodded and left.

"Why the hell are you going to talk to her?" Giia immediately yelled. "Didn't you see what she just did?"

He sighed and put his hands on her shoulders. "I know, I know. But please understand, Rikku is a friend, and Yuna is my summoner."

"Not anymore she's not!"

"That's not the point. She was once, and you know how important she is to me," he said calmly. He'd not seen Giia lose her temper too often, but he supposed being interrupted during your wedding was a good enough reason for anyone to get angry.

Giia looked as though she was trying very hard to rein it in. "Then please tell me you don't believe what she was saying about Rikku, because that was clearly the biggest load of bullshit I've ever-"

He held up a palm. "In that case she can tell me more rationally what she was saying. I know when I'm being lied to, Giia." **(A/N: Like hell he does!)**

She crossed her arms but finally let out a small smile. "Ok, I understand."

"Thank you," he said, kissing her forehead.

She nodded as he turned. "Auron, wait a sec!"

He faced her. "What is it?"

She grinned, grabbed his jacket and kissed him passionately until they were both breathless. Still grinning, she let go. "You can go if you promise to come back and marry me."

He touched her cheek. "I will."

"Ahem," the priest spoke up. "I am afraid that it's not possible to do it now. I have other engagements that require my immediate attention."

Giia let out a noise of aggravation. "Argh! I can't believe this! I'm going to kill that woman!" Immediately she bit her lip and looked at Auron. "I'm not _really_, I'm just frustrated! All I wanted to do was marry you today!"

"So we'll do it again. Without anyone else this time. In a week."

She looked up at him in a look that reminded him almost painfully of Rikku, and nodded. "A week."

Yuna was pacing up and down anxiously when Auron opened the door of the Agency. "Sir Auron! Thank goodness!"

He folded his arms and fixed her with his most 'I-am-not-impressed' glare. "Where's everyone else?"

"Back on the _Celsius_, I thought it would be easier to explain with just one of us."

"Good. Then you can explain why you pulled a gun on my bride."

Yuna did have the decency to look ashamed of herself. "I am sorry, but Giia- You didn't hear what she was saying. In fact, I mean no disrespect, Sir Auron, but you don't know the real Giia."

"Yuna, stop. I'm sick of being told that I don't know the real Giia. I'm marrying her. I know as much as I need to."

Yuna thought it was an extremely odd way of putting it, and almost asked him if he loved Giia – then was reminded that if he said yes it would mean Rikku's death. "If you think so."

"I do. Now explain what the hell Wakka was talking about. He said Rikku was in danger."

"She is!"

"How." It was more statement than question.

For the first time, she looked unsure. "Did- Didn't Tidus tell you?"

"He told me some bullshit about her dying because I'm getting married," he replied.

"Well…that's basically it," she said lamely.

He tried really, really hard to stay calm. Yuna was an honest girl, he knew she was. Her father's daughter in every conceivable way. Except now she was being obscure and unhelpful, and it was pissing him off. "_Why_?"

Yuna looked like she was about ready to tear her hair out. "I know how ridiculous this must sound, and you have no reason to believe me, but I can't tell you."

"_Because_?"

"Because Rikku doesn't want me to. I can't betray her trust."

There was a deeply uncomfortable silence for about thirty seconds. Then Yuna tried again. "Sir Au-"

"No."

"But-"

"No, Yuna," he ordered. "I don't know what the hell you or Rikku think you're doing. But if what Rikku has to say is that important, she can tell me herself. Just leave."

Recognising the finality in his tone, Yuna looked down. "Very well. I'm sorry." She looked back up with an agonised expression on her face. "It is the truth, whether you believe it or not." With that, she pushed gently past him and went outside to the airship.

**A/N: Hands up who wants to slap Auron?**


	19. The Wedding

**A/N: Thank you so much for your reviews, I appreciate every last one of them. But please, there was a little Auron-bashing that tbh I thought I was a bit harsh, so I'm gonna defend my man (in my dreams). Anyway, I didn't mean to paint him (or write him) as being at all cowardly – he's not, he's AURON for heaven's sake. But speaking from personal experience, really manipulative people can do that – someone I thought was my 'friend' did it once, and honestly, everything gets turned on its head. People who really are your friends start looking an awful lot like your enemies and vice verse. BUT in the end your real friends forgive you – if you grovel enough.**

**Hopefully, that's cleared up some of what I was going for, sorry if that wasn't clear before. But Auron's not gonna start grovelling yet, and it's gonna get worse before it gets better ;)**

**On with the penultimate chapter!**

**Chapter Nineteen**

They found her about a day later, still sprawled out across the steps of the ruins in Zanarkand, her skin still so pale she looked like a corpse. It wasn't helped by the fact that there was no heartbeat. Nothing Yuna did could rouse Rikku from the coma she'd fallen into, and in the end they just had to carry her to the _Celsius _and hope she'd wake up eventually. She did, about twenty-four hours later with much muttering and confusion. When she finally regained full consciousness, she seemed oddly disappointed. "Oh. I'm not dead. Am I dead?"

Paine and Yuna, who hadn't left her side, hugged her joyfully. "No. No, you're not dead, Rikku."

"But…" She looked up, a wild hope dawning inside her. "That must mean that he didn't get married!"

They exchanged a look. "Well, no, he didn't. But he still might, we don't know. I read your letter on the way to Djose, and we got there in time to stop it."

"Oh." _So he would have gone through with it, then. _"You didn't tell him why, did you?"

Paine shook her head. "We didn't."

Rikku gave a sad smile. "Good. Don't." She tried to get up, but found she was still too weak to stand.

Her friends pushed her back down. "Rikku, you're still not well enough. You were practically dead when we found you."

"But-"

"No buts. Just rest."

She heaved a sigh. "Fine. So…I take it the wedding will still go ahead, then. I mean, you guys stopped it once, but you can't do it again."

"We can and we will. Wakka and Tidus and Kimahri are all there now, stopping Auron from going anywhere near Giia."

"No." She shook her head. "I don't want you to do that."

"Rikku, if he gets married you'll die."

"I know, but…if the wedding stops, it has to be because he's realised something isn't right. Not because he's been told."

"Rikku, you do realise that as a man, he isn't going to realise anything on his own." **(A/N: No offence, guys)**

"No. If it's meant to be then it has to happen on its own."

"Rikku-"

"No, I mean it. Can I just rest now, please?"

They exchanged looks of dismay, but did as she said and left, leaving Rikku to curl up on the bed again, her tears soaking the pillow. Her brain was screaming at her. _What the hell am I doing? Do I want to die? _

_No, but it has to be love. If he comes to me it's because he loves me. Not because he feels obliged to. The less he knows the less it'll hurt him. _

_So protecting him from pain is more important than my life?_

_Yes. I love him. Nothing is more important than that. _

Though they all protested against it, Tidus, Wakka and Kimahri did eventually leave a very pissed off Auron alone, with each of them trying and failing to convince Rikku to tell Auron the truth. She remained adamant, though, and stayed strong and pale for the next several days.

The only thing she asked was that they go to each of the main sites along the Pilgrimage road, starting from where she'd joined it. The Moonflow, Guadosalam, Thunder Plains, Macalania, the Calm Lands, Gagazet and finally Zanarkand. In each place she'd request a little time alone, and the others all retreated to a discreet distance while Rikku closer her eyes and remembered. The steps along the journey that had taken her closer to Auron. The first time she held a serious conversation with him. The first time she studied the shape of his mouth and wondered what it would feel like against her own. The first time he'd covered her with his coat while she slept. The first time she'd woken in his arms. The first and only time he'd ever kissed her. The place where she'd never gotten the chance to say goodbye.

Visiting each one gave her a sense of closure. Fatalism had come over her. There was nothing could be done now. This was the way it had to be. She loved her friends, but it was obvious that they couldn't see, or know, what she felt. Protecting Auron was the most important thing in this world or the next. He had needed saving, and she had been there to rescue him, and the price she paid for that was that she would never have a rescuer of her own. For the millionth time, she uttered the sentence that had become her mantra. "So be it."

---

In contrast to Rikku's quiet, resigned days, the next week for Auron was anything but. During the day he was fine, going about his business the way he'd always done – it wasn't until night came, and he lay down to sleep, that the true turmoil that lay beneath the surface came through. Night after night, he had the same nightmare.

_He's opposite Giia, standing with the priest, and getting married. Finally. But something's wrong, because as soon as it's his turn to say his vows, the Temple darkens like there's a storm indoors - with a light that he vaguely recognises behind him. He says them anyway, and that's it. The light grows brighter. There's a sob from behind him. And he turns to see Rikku there. Her green spiralled eyes are full of accusation as she gazes back at him. "How could you?" Her voice isn't angry, or indignant. It's just very very sad.  
_

"_Rikku?" He utters her name with confusion - because behind her are the steps. The twenty-seven steps that lead into the Farplane. Even as he watches, she places her foot on the first of them. He repeates her name, now with an edge of panic to it.  
_

_Her hand goes to her heart and she sighs. He runs to her side, ignoring his bride. "How _could _you, Auron?" she asks again - and the words are like he's being comdemned to hell, but he still doesn't understand.  
_

"_How could I what?"_

_Her eyes flutter closed now, then open again as she looks up. There, at the top of the steps, are Jecht and Braksa. "C'mon, kid," Jecht says. "We're all waitin' for ya. Not like we've got all of eternity here." He chuckles at his own poor joke and beckons - but to Rikku. _

_"Time already?" she asks with the ghost of her old smile. A pale, shredded parody of the Rikku that he- _

_Braska nods with less levity than Jecht. "It's the way it has to be, Rikku. He's made his choice." His mouth is compressed into a thin line, his eyes hard as he regards his former guardian. Every line of him radiates disappointment. No, worse than that. Betrayal. _

_The first tears he's cried in fourteen years begin their slow tracts down Auron's face.__ Rikku doesn't bother wiping them away.__ Something, somewhere primal inside him, begins to know. "Rikku, please, I-"_

_Her voice is flat now, her beautiful face expressionless. "You killed me, Auron. I trusted you with everything I had. And you...killed me..." _

_When she takes another step upward, he is unable to stop himself, and grabs her arm. At the touch, she crumbles. Like burnt paper that still holds its shape, the life is draining from her before his very eyes. __She falls to the ground rather than allow herself to fall into his arms. Then she stops breathing, and won't wake up when he calls her name and lifts her body up from the cold stone floor. Because she's dead. No heartbeat, no warmth, no life. She looks like a grotesque wax work figure of a human being, because no one who was once as alive as her should look so _empty _now. _

"_Oh gods," he says, over and over again, "What have I done?"_

_Above, Braska and Jecht both stretch out their hands. The flickering, translucent glow of the pyreflies begin - knowing what they mean, Auron grasps for them urgently. Only to have each and every one slip insubstantially through his fingers. Rikku's form appears between her uncle and one-time enemy - and without another word, without another glance- _

_They're gone. Into the horizon of forever.  
_

The dreams would always have the same outcome; he'd sit up sharply in bed, breathing as though he'd fought a hundred Sins all at once, soaked in cold sweat, and terrified down to his bones. The fear and the guilt wouldn't go away until daybreak, no matter how ridiculous he told himself he was being. He did not understand…how could someone like Rikku – who she had turned out to be – hold such a power over him? It was almost like being Unsent again, except this time it wasn't the call of the Farplane that drew him, but _her_.

No. He would not allow this…this _thing_, whatever it was, to rule him, he thought on the sixth night. _Tomorrow, Giia and I will be married. It is what I want. _

He said it aloud, hoping that would make it more convincing. "It is what I want."

That afternoon, he had a visitor – not one he was all that happy about seeing at the moment either. Tidus seemed to know this, since his normally bright and enthusiastic grin was markedly absent. "What do you want?" Auron asked before he opened his mouth.

Tidus swallowed nervously and scratched the back of his head. Then he cleared his throat. "I wanted to tell you something…about-"

Auron glared at him, daring him to say the name. He was a hairs' breadth from turning away in disgust.

Tidus seemed to decide that it was worth it. "Rikku," he said firmly.

"Then it had better be _damned _good," he growled.

"It's the truth," the boy said quietly.

"Then spit it out," he said.

Instead of answering, he drew out a piece of paper from an inner pocket, and handed it to Auron. He took it with a distrustful glare and then unfolded it. When he recognised Rikku's handwriting, he looked sharply up at the blond. "What is this?" he demanded.

Tidus shrugged helplessly. "It's…the truth," he said again.

"That three days ago you weren't allowed to tell me?"

"Rikku didn't want us to."

"What's changed?"

"Nothing. She doesn't know I'm here. That's addressed to Yuna."

By the time Auron had finished reading the letter, he was struggling not to rip it apart. He'd never read a more manipulative, scheming, calculating, clearly _fake _display of emotion in his life. Did she honestly expect him to believe that? It was so contrived, even down to the obviously fabricated tear drop stain at the end. He pushed it back at Tidus in disgust. "Tell her she'll have to do better than that."

Funny, in all the years he'd known Tidus, he'd never seen him so shocked. So utterly beyond disbelief. "What?!" he finally spluttered.

"It's completely unconvincing, Tidus. You can't honestly expect me to buy this."

If Tidus' expression was anything to go by, he clearly _had _expected him to believe it. "But…Auron, when we found her, she was almost dead. She didn't wake up for almost two days!"

"Because I'm getting married and because of a spell that has only ever existed in myth and legend. Apparently she's a liar as well as a coward," he said dryly. He managed to suppress a wince at borrowing Giia's words.

From being disbelieving, the younger man now looked only disappointed. "You really believe that?" he asked quietly.

"I have no reason not to," he retorted.

"She loves you, Auron. And there was a time that would have mattered to you." He shook his head and took a few steps away, then stopped, turning his head. "You were always more like a father to my than my old man was. For ten years, you were there when I needed you. And right now I don't recognise you."

Before Auron could say anything, Tidus walked away, leaving the older man angry and confused – though at who…he couldn't have said. The dreams got worse that night – no matter how much he tried to deny it, there would always be some part of him that revered Rikku as a giver of light – once the only source of illumination in his dark world. And that part was getting stronger, harder to push to the back of his mind. He did, though. Lifetime of self-sacrifice, after all.

And finally, _finally_, he was here. He'd made it. Djose temple. Giia. Priest. That was all; all there needed to be. He took a deep breath and hesitantly returned Giia's (somewhat triumphant, he noted) smile as the Priest spoke.

**A/N: Mwhahahahaha! The cliffhanger strikes again!**


	20. I Can Tell

**A/N: Yay, I finished at a nice round number! And thank you to all my reviewers: Wyvren Wing, bhfirewife, Throwing-Fire-Twice, Kathleen Dee, BeautifulxxDisaster, ffxlodgirl, Shirox, Gining, That Manx, AnimeBabe88, AshmandaLC, LordManyArrows, Ionai, bonzai, AbsintheJade21, xXHakaishaXx, GlassEmotions, Stardust44, Crimson, Kiriski, Catmunk, Kerushii-chan, Michelle Pruitt, a lucker, Silver Charm, Mariuslover22, AurikkuFan, Nasuki- Orihime Girl, Pikatsuko and Neko-Yuff16. You kept me on track to finish this as fast as I have, and I'm sorry if I left anyone out - thank you. **

**Chapter Twenty**

Rikku was on her way back from the bridge – they'd just been to Remiem Temple – when it happened again. The same agonising pain in her chest. And despite her earlier decision to accept her death, she found she was terrified. This time there was no stopping it. _How could you not know, Auron?_ "Yuna!" she screamed as another one hit her, driving her to her knees.

The door behind her hissed open. "Rikku!" Yuna knelt beside her and held her tightly. It was all she could do.

Rikku was sobbing. "I can't do it, I can't-"

Yuna's own tears began to fall from her eyes. "Paine, tell Brother to get us to Djose! Now!"

"No!" Rikku broke in, gripping Yuna's arms tightly. "Don't, it's not-" She took another wavering breath and tried once more to speak. "Don't! It's not fair on Auron."

Anger rose up in Yuna. How could her cousin be ok with this? "No, Rikku. I won't let you do this. How can you?"

"Because…" Another small scream of pain. When it was over, her breath came in ragged sobs. "I love him." She blacked out once more, sure that this time, she wouldn't be waking up.

---

It suddenly came to Auron saying his vows- but- there was something…

Something wasn't right. He had no idea what was wrong though. He was here, the priest was, Giia was. Giia. He looked at her, realising what was wrong. She was. After everything, after all this time... The realisation was...easy.

Simple as that.

But if not Giia, then who was it he should be with? He found that his heart was screaming the answer if only he listened. _Rikku. _He started laughing; he couldn't help it. It had been blindingly obvious from the very beginning. He didn't love Giia, he didn't want to marry her. "No."

She looked at him like he'd gone mad. "Honey, are you alright?"

"I'm fine," he said, more to himself than to her. "More than fine actually. Great." Auron turned to the priest. "Thank you, Father, we won't be needing your services today."

The priest shot him a look, but then went. Giia rounded on him. "What the hell are you doing, Auron?"

"I'm sorry, Giia, but I don't love you. And I can't marry you."

Her face lost all beauty and went scrunched, ugly with rage. "Why not? Because of that bitch Rikku? Man, I should never have let her heal you."

He blinked; before he didn't want to think Tidus was lying, but didn't see how he could be telling the truth. He took a step forward, anger beginning to simmer. "Is the rest of it true as well?"

"What, you mean about me not loving you?" She laughed. "Of course it's true! I wanted to get back at that slut. And the fact I got her life into the bargain is just a bonus."

Auron had never hit a woman. He'd never felt the compulsion to. But right now the urge to draw his sword and watch Giia's head bounce from her shoulders was almost overpowering. Instead he glared at her. "I can't believe I ever thought I could love you. You are a bitter, twisted and pitiful woman, Giia." He turned away.

"So you're going after _her_?!"

He turned again. "She's a better woman than you could ever be. In fact you're not even worthy to talk about her."

Without wasting another word on her, he turned to leave the temple. Giia made an outraged noise behind him. There was no way this was happening to her. _No-one _left her. She had people around as long as they were useful, then _she _got rid of _them. _Without thinking that perhaps this wasn't a good idea, she dashed in front of Auron and physically put herself in front of the door. When she looked up at his face, she realised her mistake. Suddenly, where before there had been a dozen excuses and clever manipulations running through her mind, there was now nothing.

Nothing except a cold, total, paralysing fear.

That russet glare promised slow, painful death if she spoke more than two words. A _very _slow, _very, __very _painful death.

She gulped, but tried – foolishly – anyway. "B-but, I-I…y-you can't just-"

Auron took one step forward.

Giia took two back.

"I'll make this clear," he said in a voice full of thunder.

Giia really didn't want to be around when the storm broke. "I have _never_ used violence against a female before."

Another gulp. How was it she'd spent all this time with him and not noticed how huge he was? How large his hands were? One of them could snap her neck like a twig.

"But if you don't get out of my sight, _right now_, _never_ to enter it again, then you'll be dead before you draw your next breath, I promise you that."

Giia couldn't have taken a breath right now if she tried.

"Understood?"

She nodded; or it could have been that her entire body was trembling. She flattened herself against the wall of the temple. "Y-y-"

"Goodbye, Giia."

He walked out of the temple to find it was raining heavily. He didn't care; he was feeling lighter than he had for months, his whole being tingling with excitement – and fear. He had to see her. He had to tell her how much of an idiot he'd been. That he was sorry. And that he loved her. Right on cue, there came a rumbling sound from the sky, and a few moments later, the _Celsius_ crashed down among the puddles. He was running up the ramp before it was even down properly. He collided with Yuna coming the opposite way. Instead of moving away after she'd stopped, she hugged him tightly. "Auron, thank Heavens!" He was too stunned that she hadn't used his formal title to say anything. "Tell me you haven't married her," she whispered.

He shook his head emphatically. "I couldn't."

Yuna looked like she'd pass out from relief. "Thank the fayth."

He gripped her shoulders. "Yuna, _where _is Rikku?"

"This way!" She sprinted back the way she'd come.

His – _Rikku's _– heart stopped when he saw her. Paine was with her, holding Rikku's head up from the floor. She was unconscious. She looked dead. In less than a second, he was at her side and scooping her into his arms. Automatically, his hands went to check her pulse. After a second of searing panic, he remembered that there wouldn't be one to find. Instead he hugged her close to him and kissed the top of her head, cursing his own stupidity. He looked up at Yuna. "Where's her room?"

"This way," Paine said, looking very composed considering her friend had nearly died.

He picked up Rikku. She'd never felt so frail, and seemed to weigh nothing at all cradled against him. Where had the weight of her spirit gone? He laid her on her bed carefully, brushing her golden hair from her face. "How long was she unconscious for…" he spat the last part of the sentence out, "_last _time?"

"At least twenty-four hours. We think more, though."

He nodded. "I'll stay with her."

Yuna seemed thankfully to be sticking to her new thing of just calling him by name. "Auron, it could be days before-"

"I'm staying with her. It's the least I can do after what I've put her through."

They both nodded, then left. He didn't notice, all his attention focused on the one person in the world who had never abandoned him. Granted, that had annoyed the hell out of him for most of the Pilgrimage, but even after that, even after the Sending, she'd broken with all Al Bhed tradition to go to the Farplane. Just to visit him – or at least the visible part of him, anyway.

The fayth had never said why it was he was resurrected, but knowing what he knew now, there could really only be one reason. He had been wrong to think that the teenage crush would fade. It had gone, but had been replaced by something much deeper, more mature, and tougher than bedrock. The girl had become a woman strong enough to make the ultimate sacrifice, knowing that it would lead to her death. And she'd done it anyway.

And he'd let her down. He sighed, the scar on his face aching, as it always did when he felt guilty. "I'm so sorry," he whispered hoarsely. He didn't know if she could hear him or not, but it needed to be said anyway. He moved and knelt by her pillow, taking her hand. "Rikku, I'm so sorry."

---

It was more than three days after that when Rikku finally opened her eyes. Despite his protestations, Auron had finally given in to the sleep demon and gone to get a little rest, leaving Yuna and Tidus with Rikku. Unlike the first time, she sat bolt upright, gasping, and causing Yuna to almost jump out of her skin. Tidus let out a tiny yelp, but managed to turn it into a slightly more macho cough. Rikku was still breathing like she'd just run a mile, a hand to her chest. She realised it didn't hurt, nor did she feel as mentally drained as she had. In fact she felt wonderful, if physically tired. Wait a minute. She _felt_. Emotion – wonderful, blinding, _glorious _emotion! Tears started immediately, trickling down her face through sheer joy.

"How are you feeling?" Yuna asked kindly, misinterpreting the tears.

"I'm…fine. Actually I feel great. Wonderful. Fabulous. Phenomenal." All such amazing words. Words that she'd forgotten.

They exchanged a look.

She sat up a little more. "What's happened? Something's changed, I know it has!"

"Uh, yeah, it has. Well, don't get too excited, Rikku, but Auron broke up with Giia." Tidus said it as though he expected her to leap up and run to wherever Auron was so that she could launch herself on him.

She didn't. Instead she fell back against the pillows, a dreamy smile on her face as relief flooded her entire soul. Tidus and Yuna exchanged a surprised glance before Rikku carried on. "Did he say why?"

"No, he didn't."

"Where is he?" she asked, unable to disguise the eagerness in her voice.

"Sleeping," Yuna said. "He's been watching over you for the past three days."

"You- you didn't tell him why I was unconscious did you?"

"No, we didn't," Tidus said. It wasn't a lie. Not exactly.

She nodded, then couldn't contain it anymore. "I need to see him." She got up, but swayed almost immediately and fell back down on to the bed.

"You're not going anywhere until you've rested."

Rikku got frustrated. "But I've spent seventy two hours in bed, Yunie! I need to see Auron!"

"I could always tranquilize you."

Rikku pouted, but it had no effect. "Fine. But only until he wakes up, and you have to come get me the minute he does!"

"Ok. I'll be back in half an hour, so make sure that you're in bed again by the time I get back," Yuna said on her way out.

"Don't you trust me?" Rikku complained.

"Erm…no, I don't. Go to bed!"

Once the door was closed, Rikku got up out of bed; simply unable to stay still anymore. She started pacing, looking out the window only to look at the door again longingly, then back to sit on the edge of the bed, biting her lip nervously. She was on the seventeenth cycle of this when there was a knock on the door. Rikku huffed. It hadn't been half an hour yet. She got up.

"Yunie, for machina's sake, I said I was going to…" When she opened the door, she found she was not speaking to Yuna, but to a chest. A very broad, familiar chest. "…sleep."

"Rikku. We need to talk."

Her mouth fell open. "About what, Auron?"

"Tidus told me everything. Yuna confirmed it."

_Damn it, Yunie! _"Oh. Maybe you should come in." She moved out of the way, then shut the door with trembling hands. "So, um, do you want a drink or something, 'cause I've got some-"

"Just sit down, Rikku."

"Yessir." She sat down, but didn't look at him, finding something on the floor fascinating.

"Rikku, look at me."

She raised her head and met the same russet gaze she'd fallen in love with over four years before. He lifted her chin, keeping eye contact. "Is it true?"

For the first time in her life, Rikku found herself breaking a promise. She nodded. "It's true."

He sighed, then dropped his head. "Why didn't you tell me?"

She shrugged. "Because it was the only way Giia and her goons would let me heal you if I promised I wouldn't. And I didn't want you to feel that you owed me something because of it. If you wanted to-" she cut off, biting her lip and looking nervously at him.

"If I wanted to what?"

Rikku took a deep breath, the decided to go for it, so blurted it out as fast as she could. "If you wanted to be with me, then I wanted it to be because you wanted to be, not just because I'd saved your life. I…"

"Rikku, it's the only reason I was with Giia. Of course I want to be with you. I always have."

She couldn't speak, couldn't believe that it was real. _Well, it can't be real. It's not possible. _"But…but…"

Auron ended all thought of any further argument by leaning over and pressing his lips to hers. Rikku felt herself melt as he did, losing all sanity in the kiss. Her arms went up and wrapped around his neck; he broke the kiss and closed his eye, then pulled her flush against him. As soon as his lips left hers, she pulled him back again. He chuckled slightly, but wrapped her in his arms more tightly, never planning on letting her go. She kissed him until she ran out of breath to kiss him with. The she pulled away. "I hope you understand, I'm never letting you go."

He just kissed her again and then spoke into her hair, his voice pained and hoarse with emotion. "I'm so sorry, Rikku. For everything."

She gave another one of those smiles that twisted his heart. "It's ok. The-"

"How can you say that? You almost died because of me! Twice!"

She put her fingertips to his lips. "Auron, shut up," she said gently. "There's no way you could have known, and the only thing that matters is that I'm not dead. And that you came for me, and we're together now."

He sighed. "You are the most extraordinary woman I've ever met, you know that?"

"I know," she said, fake preening. "But you might want to save nice things like that for after."

"After what?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

She grinned and took his hand, walking to where her bedroom beckoned invitingly. "What do you think?"

---

Whether Yuna had come to the door, heard the noises and left again, Rikku could never be sure. She could be sure that she didn't care – since nothing interrupted that long, _wonderful _afternoon of sublime pleasure. She'd spent most of her life smiling – and she'd never known happiness like the thrill that jolted through her when they came undone together, heard the hoarse calling of her name in her ear and felt his release deep inside her. They were one; so intensely joined that she didn't think they'd ever be able to come apart, and as she wrapped her arms around him, smelling and tasting the salty tang of his sweat and feeling his hot weight above her; almost crushing her – and she wouldn't have moved him for the world.

After a moment, though, of kissing her neck until she stopped trembling, Auron moved off her, pulling Rikku with him and determined that he wasn't going to let her go for at least another twelve hours.

She put her head on his chest, hearing her own heartbeat. She kissed his skin just above it. "So that's where I left it."

He smiled. "It's always been yours even when it was mine," he murmured.

She raised an eyebrow. "Did that make sense?"

He shrugged. "I don't really know. I just know that I love you."

A massive grin spread itself over Rikku's face, and she began kissing him again, peals of joyous laughter coming from her mouth. He met her lips gladly, and while they were absorbed in each other, neither of them noticed the tiny spark of light that began in Auron's chest and spread to Rikku's. It wasn't until the waves of climax had washed over them both that she noticed how fast her heart was beating. _Wait a minute. How is it even there to beat? _

She sat up abruptly. "Auron?" she said, her voice quavering.

He heard the tremble and sat up too. "What is it? Are you alright?"

She nodded slowly, her eyes wide. "Tell me if you can feel this," she said, taking his hand and putting it to her chest.

He raised an eyebrow as his hand enclosed her left breast. He opened his mouth to say something, then realised what she was getting at. There was a heartbeat thudding there. "Rikku, how-"

"I don't know!" She leaned down and pressed her ear against his chest once more. "You've got it too! How is that possible?"

He smiled. "Maybe it's because I finally realised what an idiot I've been."

She nodded vigorously, grinning. "Damn straight you've been an idiot."

Her body was pinned against the bed underneath Auron's in less than a second, holding her arms above her head easily with one hand. "You're _not _supposed to agree, Rikku," he growled, devouring the skin on her neck. She couldn't hold back a whimper as his teeth nipped at her skin. _Is this real? No-one wake me up if this is a dream. _His other hand stroked her flesh, barely touching her and driving her crazy. She pushed her body up, trying to make him touch her properly. He gave a soft chuckle against her neck, then carried on. She let out a growl of her own, finally breaking his hold on her wrists and pulling him up to her lips.

Auron got his wish and more – he didn't lose contact with her for another sixteen hours after that.

---

When the morning came, Rikku woke up with a smile on her face. She was lying in Auron's arms, her head laid on his chest and his heartbeat in her ear. His slow, steady breathing matched hers perfectly. She shifted slightly so that she could look at his face properly, and she couldn't help planting soft kisses all over his face. Once she was done and every inch of his face had been kissed, he'd woken up laughing. "Rikku, what are you doing?"

"Sorry," she grinned. "Couldn't resist."

"Nice way to wake up," he commented, smiling. He pulled her into his arms, making sure the only place he got kissed was his lips. "I love you," he murmured.

"I love you," she replied, for once serious and quiet and _un_Rikku-like. She didn't have to perform with him. She could just be. She moved on to her back, head on his shoulder and looked at the clouds racing past, the feeling in her heart too much to express, and she wasn't sure she would if she could. At least not to anyone else except Auron, and he knew without her needing to elaborate. "This is how it should be," she sighed after a while.

"If you'll let me," he said, "I'll make sure every day is like this."

She turned on to her side, her heart leaping in her chest. _Oh my gods. Is he actually going to say it? _She stayed quiet, every nerve on edge and her entire body surging with excitement.

He took her face in his hands. "I'm not screwing this up again. We've been too long apart. No more. From now on, I want to wake up next to you every morning. Marry me." It wasn't a request; it was a command from his soul to hers.

She didn't say anything or move for at least five seconds, instead feeling the utter euphoria rise in her. He was starting to worry that she wasn't going to say yes, then he was being flying-tackled out of the bed, by a madly giggling, wonderfully happy Rikku. "Is that a yes?" he asked through being assaulted with kisses and rolling around on the floor in a Rikku-Auron-Rikku-Auron mix.

"Yes, yes, yes, yes! About a million times _yes_!"

That full-bodied, rich-as-chocolate laugh that had made her realise she was in love burst from him. "See now, that's a relief."

She leaned back a bit. "As if I'd say no!"

He grinned. "I'm still happy."

She raised an eyebrow and glanced down his body, looking up with a playful smile. "I can tell."

**A/N: How could I not have a happy ending? I hope you enjoyed reading my first foray into Aurriku as much as I did writing it – and thank you thank you thank you to all my reviewers!**


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